i can't seem to find the right words to start this post. i have re-written the first sentence so many times that i decided to write what first comes to my mind. that is why this piece took so long for me to post... it may sound boring but then, i wanted to capture everything about the birth of my red bean...
magic is the word... yes, this birth like all other births are magical to me. somehow, this one seemed so special to me for numerous reasons. maybe because i wasn't sure if i will have another child and therefore, this would be the last (well, who am i to decide that as i am just His vehicle to bring His creation into this world) which made me cast the memories in my mind.
well, i guess the moment eid was over, i simply knew it was time. so, while we waited for 'the' day, we had lots of fun. i had some painful contractions once in a while. the gynae have already scheduled me to come in on thursday night for her to break the water bag on friday morning and deliver the baby. on thursday, i rested a lot and there were no pain at all. i was in a dilemma...i wondered why would i want to go get my water bag broke and have the baby... yet, i was afraid to go against the doctor's advice just in case. i called my school-mate who is a paediatrician and my sister in law who is a doctor for advice. i wanted it all natural. so, i decided that i would still go for a CTG and internal test that night but will not get admitted. by thursday evening, there were still no signs. then, i had one contraction that was so painful, could this be it, i wondered. we had dinner, put the children to bed at my mil's and off we went to the hospital for the tests. before i left, my mil made me a special drink that my mum had prescribed... plain tea mixed with an egg.
it was friday, 17 september 2010... i guess i was prepared for 'this is it' but my husband wasn't! taking cue from my previous deliveries, if he had to, he would admit me, run home and come in the morning before the doctor comes. so, he was dressed in cargo shorts and a tshirt. he wasn't prepared for the friday prayers just in case he had to stay by me all night. we went to the maternity ward for the tests without showing the admission form that my gynae had already filled. the thing is that i did not want to be admitted before it was time or intentionally break the water bag and deliver the baby. i wanted everything natural, you see. well, the test showed that i was having strong contractions (i didn't quite feel it, as usual) and had already dilated... a senior nurse (she helped me during my other son's delivery) who came to check on me announced... she is in labor. we have to get you admitted, you are having regular contractions and strong ones... we will have to take you to the labor room now... you could be having the baby anytime soon... she told my husband...please go to the admission and get your wife admitted. we will alert the doctor! we then produced the green form... she gave us the look. i had to apologise and say... we just wanted to check if it was really the time.
i got admitted and was told to change into the hospital gown... wheelchair was summoned. i performed solat hajat before going into the labor room, just in case that was my last prayers... i got wheeled in about 2 something am. the nurses fixed some devices on me so that they can monitor. my husband switched on the quranic recitation from sural al-fathihah (something we did when i was in labor for all the babies...). i was dilating quite quickly that the nurses thought i would deliver before sun-rise. hahahaha... she told my husband that it was not a good idea to go home. i was asked if i wanted any pain relievers, i declined. she was quite impressed. at 5cm, i stopped dilating and fell asleep. my poor husband stayed awake watching me.
this is just before i got wheeled into the labor room... the same attire for all the babies...
i woke up about 7 something, ate my breakfast and waited for the doctor. my gynae came in, with her usual cheerful smile, about 9 something to break the water bag. she said... good, we planned for today but in the end, you managed a friday baby naturally (i told her all my children are friday babies and i hoped this one is too). she asked the nurses if they had read my file since i had some history in my previous births. she also asked if they had alerted the paediatrician and if he had any prescription for me in order to protect the baby through the birth tunnel. and yes, i was supposed to be given antibiotics. afterwards, before she left us until it was time i reminded the doctor to use vacuum just in case i couldn't do it.well, next was the real phase... contractions started, real good ones. i was in pain. i didn't quite feel them in my earlier pregnancies. it could be because of the interference of pain relievers then or my pain tolerance level had reduced now. i was again asked if i wanted pain relievers, i declined again. i told my husband to go have breakfast and tapau for me sirap ais. soon after he left, the contraction pain was tormenting. i called my husband who came running with his hot drink and sirap ais. the pain came again, sirap ais had never tasted better. i told my husband... i can't talk when the pain comes... i would signal you, please feed me the drink... i am amazed at how the intensity of pain could actually freeze you from even moving... hahahaha i finished one glass of sirap ais and i wanted another. the nurse was so so sweet, she offered to get me another. well, we managed the pain with 2 glasses thusfar. the pain came like a wave and it only got stronger each time. i was offered the laughing gas which i accepted. again, i told my husband that i would signal him if i needed the gas. i held my husband's arm when the wave of pain came. hahahah it never felt better.
can you see the pain in my eyes?
i had been told that labor pain is second to death. in my last two experiences, i wondered why the pain was nowhere near death (as if i knew it lah). this time i think i experienced it. i have seen it on tv and also when i visited my best friend's grandmother at her deathbed. as i dilated more, the intensity and frequency of pain increased. i would signal my husband and he would put the mask over my nose and let me inhale the laughing gas. i would take loud (really loud but because i was screaming into the mask, no one hears me) and deep breaths through my mouth and say Allah as i inhale and Hu as i exhale. it is something my best friend's father taught me when i was by his mother's deathbed with him then. it went on for sometime and i lost the sense of time.i was already 7 cm dilated then. i asked my husband to call my mother and i spoke to her... i could sense the tense in her voice. i told my mother... rombe valikuthu ma... she cried and again through her tears, she cheered her support. that is my mother... my greatest source of strength. she asked me to say... Allah, Rasul, Muhayyadeen through the wave of pain. my nieces told me afterwards that my mother cried for hours after that phone call. i am sure she felt helpless. i told my husband... macam ni lah sakit mak you nak deliver you. you must sejukkan hati orang yang mengandungkan you. i could hear my husband sniffle (he must have been crying, i think) as he was getting a tissue to wipe my tears. i feel great about myself because not many wives would tell this to their husbands in that critical moment. men get to see their wives deliver not their mothers so, they should reflect on the pain their wives go through.
after a while, i asked for the nurse... the one who helped me deliver my eldest, sister hamimah. i asked her how long it will take... sakit sangat! to my dismay, she said one or two hours. i raised the whilte flag to which i still regret (perfect excuse to have baby no. 4). i don't think i could tolerate the pain for another hour or so. even at that rate, i was having contractions every 3 minutes. i am not ready another 20 contractions and each contraction lasting for sometime... (my mum actually told me afterwards that it was about 2 pm when i called her and the baby was born at 2.19. duh! why did i listen to that nurse... i could still have done it without the pain reliever lah.) i asked for pethidine and made everyone upset. the nurses said it was too late but i remember from my anti-natal class that the last i can ask for it is at 7 cm. the nurse asked my gynae and she was told no. i couldn't take no for an answer. anyway, i was given in the end. i was told that it will take 30 minutes take effect. i am sure i felt it much earlier as i am sensitive to drugs. the nurse offered to help me dilate manually but then she said she would have to leave it to the doctor as the baby's head kept on submerging every time she helped to emerge. by this time, i guess the pain reliever had already taken effect.
suddenly, i heard myself telling my husband out of nowhere, sayang... tolong tutup kuih raya atas meja takut nashwan ambik... he and the nurses were like what? i repeated the same and i could hear them laugh. then, i heard the doctor walking in asking something (my husband told me later that she asked what is this kuih raya all about) and my husband answered dia tengah lalok, everyone laughed again... i got upset and scolded them. even being lalok, i could still feel the greatness of the contraction pain. i asked for the mask but they didn't allow as they thought i wanted the gas. i scolded everyone around me for treating me like a baby. i wanted the mask so that i could scream into the mask. hahahaha i have a record of not being loud in managing the labor pain. the nurses and gynae were very impressed about it. i remembered vaguely that after a while, i was told to push and i pushed. i really pushed and not a cry at all. i heard the doctor saying.... push pun senyap. she helped me with kiwi vacuum and at a strong push, the baby's head popped out. everyone applauded their support and at another push, i exclaimed... ALLAHU AKBAR, ALLAHU AKBAR, ALLAHU AKBAR...
the jihad fi sabilillah is over... this is my greatest victory, the greatest achievement in my life, the greatest blessings and miracle of Allah...
my first family pic with the latest addition....
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