mummy's son

being the second child with an older sibling who is still a baby herself, my dearest son, the apple of my eye, had sacrificed his parents' attention since he was born. the demands of his toddler sister made his parents to constantly having to fulfill her wishes and attend to her. it is the second baby syndrome...sigh...it is no one's fault!!!

i love my son as much as my daughter.... my heart is filled with overflowing love for both of them. sometimes, i feel so guilty for not being able to give my son as much attention as i had given my daughter when she was a baby. the way he looks at me when i am so busy with everything else takes my heart away. the feeling of guilt is like a sharp knife stabbing my heart everytime i think about it.

but then....Allah's design of life works in the most miraculous way. i was forced to breastfeed him exclusively, something that i am so thankful for. since nadia nasira was hospilatised 3 weeks after muhammad nashwan nasr was born, i tried to feed him with formula milk because the breastmilk supply was slowly depleting. his system rejected the formula milk from the first instance, so i thought.... but now when i reflect back, i realised that it was due to my ignorance. to think that i told my mother in law to feed a three week old baby 60 ml at one go, i wonder what i was thinking at that time. on top of it, my son is a prematured baby. oh my!!!

breasfeeding had bonded my son and me so much....so much that i feel that this is the only way i could compensate him for whatever i was lacking. he wouldn't want to be with anyone else if he knows i am around. he knows who his mummy is and there is no one else in the world he is pleased to be with but his mummy. Allahu Akhbar.

two frogs

something to ponder upon....

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. When the other frogs saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died.

The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?" The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.

This story teaches two lessons:

There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day.
A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them.

Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your path. The power of words… it is sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another of the spirit to continue in difficult times. Special is the individual who will take the time to encourage another.

an experience with adult students

i am supposed to be a subject matter expert on risk management, hahahaa a recognised one, in TNB. we had developed a training module to create awareness and dessiminate information on risk management to the various levels in TNB.

the last year, i had to reject all the classes scheduled for me because of my tough pregnancy. this year, i had become a trainer for two sessions already. i really enjoy being the trainer. it is fun to see the way the adults, most of them are way older than i am, turning into students.

i am proud to say that i know for sure that they enjoy my sessions. i treat them like school children, have very informal sessions and give them real and funny examples. apply risk management theories in life. after all the theories and concepts, i divide them into groups and tell them to come up with a risk profile for a chosen business. they also need to create the risk profile in the system and present as a group.

the way i conclude my sessions really brings the fun learning process to its heights. it is filled with teasing, fun and laughter. i make all of them stand up and conduct an open book quiz. i post a question, many of them who know the answers would raise their hands up, i choose the one whom i think raised his/her hand up first to answer. if the answer is correct, he/she gets to sit otherwise continue standing. We end the training session after all of them answer questions correctly.

i reflect back and to think that i really didn't want to become a teacher when i was a child, it is such an irony.

weekend at dsh

it was the thaipusam weekend. i was supposed to say, yahooo....holiday. But....

my husband was away....osaka, i think. my children were coughing badly all week and i could hear lots of phlegm when they coughed. the most sensible thing to do was to make a bee line to dsh for a visit to dr. musa's clinic. this is what i have been doing ever since nadia nasira was born.

that morning, i was supposed to take nadia nasira to her playschool after the visit to her paed. however, when dr. musa prescribed neubulizer to relieve her condition (wheezing bronchiolitis) 3 - 4 times a day, i asked the doctor whether we can get her admitted along with her brother who is also having similar condition but milder.

we got ourselves admitted. for me, the whole experience was like checking into a hotel room and staying there for the weekend. the things that reminded me that i was in a hospital were dr. musa's routine rounds and the nurses coming in at the some intervals to give medication, routine checks and etc.

how did the children take it? the photos speak for themselves.

sportsgirl in the making

everyday, nadia nasira has been looking at some children playing badminton outside her nanni's house. she asked me a couple of times for badminton. so, i decided to get her one. we had looked for it everywhere. yet, we only found tennis but not badminton rackets. anyhow, we just bought one so that she would have something to play with while we look for the badminton racket. finally, her nanni found it and gave it to her as her advanced birthday gift along with a piece of abacus and some cash. we kept the badminton racket at her nanni's house so that she could play there.

one evening, we had a tennis session with her. she looked like a real serious sportsgirl in her sports attire. guess what she did with the racket....held it in her hand and proudly announced, 'maamy, nadia sapu!!!

lonely

it is a monday again and im in my office room. i just got back from the cafe after a short breakfast alone. i feel rather deserted, alone and bored though there are tons of things to do which makes me miss my old office.

i miss my two colleagues, izham and niza (i love to call her name in full...nurmurniza) and this mr. rashidi, their boss, who walks in and out of our room at the time we least expect him to. it would be mostly when we...more like me, saying something about him. hahahahaha if he reads this, he would be very conscious everytime he walks in that door.

oh well, all of them are away on business. i would too the next two days and we will come to the end of this week.

the point is.......i'm bored!!! the feeling that you get when you are all alone, cooped up indoor on a rainy day.....the song that's playing in my mind....yellow lemon tree...I wonder how, I wonder why, yesterday you told me about the blue blue sky ...

my husband's first 'wife'

that's what he calls his superbike....his first wife!!! when i met my husband, i was told that he had a first wife. i didn't quite believe it and then, i found out that being a typical male, his passion was for his superbike...

believe it or not, i have been married to my husband for almost 3 years and i only got on his bike once. even that was before i got married. maaan, the experience was exhilarating.

last week, he divorced his first wife of 10 (i think so) years...i mean...he sold it off. why? because he hardly rode on it ever since we got married. i was the one who edited the sales agreement (downloaded from the net, so convenient, isn't it?) he was very sad, indeed.

here are some pics of his pride....

gifts from my husband

my husband has always been generous with gifts. he never misses any occassion, even the ones that i dont celebrate, valentine's day. there is always something for my birthday, mother's day, for delivering babies, an occasional token from his overseas trips. everytime he shops for the children overseas, he tries to ignore me but would end up buying something for me.

a few days before valentine's day, my husband came back home from one of his trips. i found a nicely wrapped box, obviously a present, on our bed as i was going to put nadia nasira to sleep. it was a bottle of perfume, it was dior!!! nice floral fragrant (so not me....i go for estee lauder beautiful, but since it is my his choice, i accepted with a big smile). i yelled thank you from upstairs. i could hear him muttering some answers and happy valentine's day wishes.

what about me.....i only remember buying him gifts....his birthday, the year we were engaged, the first year we got married and that was it. i can't really recall whether i have got him anything apart from these two occasions. oh yes..... i buy him baju raya and some other shirts every year during the festive season. the thing is....ever since i got married, i never get to go anywhere on my own, even more now that i have two children. the only space of time that i have is on friday during the long lunch breaks. i told myself that i must make an effort to get him a gift that is long overdue.

the last days of uncle umar

al-faathiha.. nasir's maternal uncle, umar khatab, passed away on 14 february 2009. he had been ill for sometime and he breathed his last 8 days ago. he left a wife and three sons. it was through him was i related to my husband before marriage. my husband is my sister's sister in law's sister in law's sister in law's son. hahahahaha complicated.

uncle umar has always been sweet to me. we went to visit him in the GH Penang last month. i am glad that i had visited him. one thing that saddens me is that he used to ask me if i could help his son get a job. that was the only one thing he ever asked me for. i never took it seriously but now that he has passed away, i take it upon myself to fullfill his wish.

here are some pictures of him when we visited him at the hospital.

balik awal?

as i was leaving the office just now, someone passed a remark, 'you are also leaving?' i said, 'i have two lil ones waiting at home'. as i was driving, i reflected on that short conversation. i spent about 7 long years working and working and working....married to work. very little life other than just work, late nights and even on the weekends.... hahhahaha but that little life that i had was really happening, though.

now that i am a mother of two, i leave at sharp 5.15 pm before the jam beat me to it. the image of my eagerly waiting children makes me wanna zig zag on the road so that i could reach home in no time. thanks to TNB and the Union for revising the working hours i.e. 8.00 am to 5.15 pm. and thank god for the promotion. my new office is only a stone's throw from the NPE highway which enables me reach home before 6 pm.

man, im so glad to be home!!! to hold my little blessings in my arms and endure the sweet pain of motherhood...

a sudden thought came to my mind....why do malaysians twitch their mouth when a fellow colleague were to leave for home on time (though it is called 'balik awal')? i used to be one of those malaysians too. failed to realise that they are not going home early, they are going home when they are supposed to. it is in their employment contracts. why are those staying back till late are applauded and considered to be hard working employees? that is what many thought of me in that 7 years. many must have been deceived. i think it is all a total misconception. the world has changed for the better in that sense. working hard is no longer appreciated but working smart to produce results is.

yummy!!! yummy!!!

a few friends from the uni and i chat on the email quite regularly. it is like a season. there could be tens of emails exchanged on one day and then we go quiet for many other days. some would be off the scene for weeks and would pop up one day. we talk about all kinds of things. you just name it. someone would just start on a new topic all the time. recently, we have been talking about food and recipes. it must be because two of them are preggers with their 3rd and 4th.

one weekend, khine and hani, had tried beef stew and they were discussing it over the email chat. it sounded so interesting and so simple to make and yummy yummy too. so, i decided to try it myself and surprise my husband. i did some reserch over the internet, clarified with the girls and looked up in one of my recipe books.

i chopped up the vegetables, fried the beef sprinkled with flour and dumped everything into the wok and ran up to feed my son. guess what i slept off!!! thank god for the maid!!! she waited for the beef to be well cooked and off the stove.

i woke up with an alarm, oh my god!!!! i thought a disaster was waiting downstairs. to my surprise and pleasure, the beef stew was perfect. my husband loved it and thinks that we should open up a restaurant. man!!! im so proud that i can cook!!! thanks dear khine and hani, yeah...