hari kemerdekaan 2009

merdeka! merdeka! merdeka! it is the country's 52nd. birthday.... it is independence day! it is not retirement age yet!!!

on this auspicious day, my heartfelt gratitude goes out to those selfless men who made sacrifices to ensure that we breath the air of freedom on this land. there were many names that made to our history books but what about the so many who didn't... their contribution is nonetheless priceless. let us all say a prayer for the heroes of malaya and malaysia....not forgetting those who ensure that we continue to enjoy this independence. al fathihah...

what was beautiful with the way they fought for independence is that everyone had one goal.... what is happenning in the political environment today is an answer totally negative to what it was pre-31 August 1957...

a thought came to my mind..........are we truly free? have we achieved the freedom in every sense? or is it just the country attaining freedom from the british occupation...have we yet to truly achieve the kind of freedom that will never exist. are we free from being mentally imprisonned by the 'pejajah' and their culture to reflect modernisation? have we achieved freedom of speech? maybe ISA is a good thing to maintain stability or is it? have the women liberated themselves from this male dominated world whereby almost everything is being manipulated to serve the men's interest? have we achieved freedom from corruption at all levels... from an office boy to the prime minister? have we attained freedom from the criminals who haunt the many lives in this country..... and the questions go on and on....

what is the true meaning of independence? there are many questions that need to be honestly answered by everyone of us. are we prepared to do so or are we too comfortable in the false security that we feel in our everyday 'today' (it might not be there tomorrow?

way to go malaysia and thank you malaysia.... the land we love so much...my fatherland (not my muumy's but it is now, i suppose, she being the citizen of this country).

utube

utube....

how does mummy get things done during the weekends, especially with the children? i am so glad that we have such a thing available.

last weeked i was kind of buzy and i really hoped that nadia nasira had her afternoon nap. though she was so sleepy, she didn't want to miss the fun (there is no fun at all as i was busy in the kitchen) and refused to sleep. what the cheating mummy did was to search for videos of children sleeping on utube and played it for her. it did the trick. she started sucking her thumb....a clear indication of i want to sleep. mummy signalled and welcomed daddy to put her to sleep... within minutes, she was asleep!!!

mummy main cheating....

mouse story

i took my children for a drive last night... muhammad nashwan nasr was fussing a bit, probably too sleepy. nadia nasira had started her thumb sucking...a clear sign that she was also sleepy. i heard her say in her tiny winy sleepy voice...mummy, mouse story (eyes closed and still sucking her thumb). and i said, 'let's wait until nashwan nasr stop crying, then, mummy will tell you the story'.

after a while, there was silence. my son had stopped crying and probably gone to sleep in his car seat. i thought nadia nasira had also fallen asleep... NO! mummy, adik dah stop crying. i said, 'so'? she said in a matter of factly tone, 'soooo, tell mouse story'...

ooppsss.... the mouse story isn't forgotten. and she can answer to my 'so'!!!

toddlers and feeding time...

i think the biggest problem parents with toddlers have is getting their children to eat.... it is mine and their nanni's, being the caregiver while i am away at work. it is real hard work and frustration (not to mention annoying) when it comes to my daughter and i really hope that my son doesn't follow her footsteps.

when i started to feed them with semi solids, i gave plain rice mixed with breastmilk. slowly moved up the ladder by adding rusks, cheese, brown rice with prunes cereal, home-made porridge (which i make for a 5 to 7 days' supply and freeze them). it worked well for muhammad nashwan nasr but for nadia nasira, it was hard work to get her to eat. their nanni's most unfavourable task, she tries so hard to make the children eat. once they have passed the first year.... there are new dishes to replace the old and more hard work. their typical diet would be...

breakfast
bread on most days (which has to change and mummy needs to be a bit more creative)
mee hoon occasionally
pasta/spagetti occasionally
tosai (on sundays)
karipap (only the pastry gets eaten)
nasi lemak occasionally for the girl
cheese a must
fresh apple juice
vitagen/yogurt drink/ribena

lunch
chicken sup (only the watery part gets past their throat through a straw)
not so soft rice and vegetables in the soup for the boy
fried fish (used to be the favourite, no longer)
or fish curry with lady's finger (the lady's finger for the girl....she loves it and she thinks it is called daddy's finger)
rice and whatever else nanni has on her table for the girl (which 90% doesn't get eaten)
fried unripe banana occasionally
fried tempe occasionally
fried anchovies occasionally
fried egg tofu
fried chicken on a rare occasion
boiled egg

dinner
same as the above
bread or pasta for the girl

i wish my children would eat more and acquire taste for food because i love to cook.... i had to think of so many ways to get them to open their mouth, chew and swallow the food....sometimes, it get spat out, you see.... my tricks are to distract them by letting them:

play with a container filled with water
water the plants (the girl)
watching tv
sit by the sink, play with hand washer and water (the girl)
play with playdoh (the boy and it gets eaten sometimes just as i turn away...thank go, it is non-toxic)
run around nanni's garden
watch children's stuff on utube (my latest trick)

there was once or twice my girl rejected food at all, even milk... i made a nazar to fast one day (something my friend zeenath did once...she fasted straight seven days). other times, my mum bought breakfast for madrasah going children back in my hometown.

oh man... i need help... i am not sure if i had started off with the wrong footing in this feeding business...

the day she turned 6 months....her first semi solids

deceiving... she didn't eat it except for a bite

another few bites

the times she did eat something on her own (note the plain rice)

satay stick gets nibbled (not even 1 stick she ate)

this is a show.... i had to run around her to get that slice of bread eaten

muhammad nashwan nasr's first meal

i found my legs....

muhammad nashwan nasr had found his legs to stand up in his thirteenth month, again for the first few steps in his fourteenth month and now still in his fourteenth month, he is making us all run after him as his wobbly wobbly steps are getting stronger by the day....

i have yet to buy him a proper footwear. the other day when i tried nadia nasira's slippers on him, he could not grip his right well and the slipper just slipped away. as a potential lefthander, he has to wait for his right let get steadier before mummy and daddy make a trip again to a clark outlet.

yesterday, i let him walk at the porch barefoot. it was like a dream come true for him....i am sure it was because till then he only watched nadia nasira have fun while being strapped to the stroller.

playschool...

nadia nasira has completed the 3rd. module at alimkids playschool....

it is about the alphabet L and shape of star in this class

nadia nasira and her famous classmate, aiman bukhari

the teacher was trying to get all the children to pose with her but to no avail....

story telling....

i have been reading to nadia nasira stories from books instead of telling her one. recently, she took the book and started telling me a story... this is my precious piece....

there are many such pieces...i am glad i could upload this and be successful at it.... time to upload more of these...

amma and atta at roshan's wedding...

this is a rare occassion since atta is away in sandakan... atta stayed longer so that he could attend zaira akka's second daughter... we got to capture amma and atta together....

atta's naughty smile...it took us a while to get a proper shot...

lovely bride...

nadia nasira amazed at the kompang music....

my wonderful sister and my charming son....

a memorable wedding.....

these are some photographs at my cousin's wedding...


my chinnata and his 3 daughters....the one in blue saree looks exactly like my late chinnama

de javu, continuation...

i took this shot of muhammad nashwan nasr last weekend and thought to myself.... i have taken a similar picture of his sister months ago....

deja vu

i was going through nadia nasira's baby photographs and i found some which had the same setting in muhammad nashwan nasr's photographs...

here they are...

letters to nadia nasira....

in her first year of life, i have written 4 letters to nadia nasira... all that i wanted to say to my children...i had poured in those 4 letters.... i gave the letters to nadia nasira when she turned 1 year old. after that, i packed them away when we were moving house and i can't remember where i had put them. i used to tell my husband to remember to give those letters to her if anything were to happen to me. god forbid. i hope that one day i will be the one who would give them to her....




that brings me to the realisation that i have yet to write a letter to my son....it is just that when i wrote to nadia nasira....i was so inspired to pour out all that i wanted to say to my children to my firstborn.... anyway...i will make it a point to find the time to write to my dear son...

my chatterbox

nadia nasira has become a chatterbox and i am so glad she has. from the moment she wakes up till she sleeps at night, never a moment of silence...she has so much to say, such sweet and high spirited girl, she is.

there are so many things she says that i find it amusing...i wish i could freeze those moments into eternity.

her first language appears to be the penang malay that my MIL speaks though i speak to her mostly in english and tamil. she has now slowly assimilated herself to the language i speak...

i have always referred to myself as amma or mummy. nadia nasira calls me mummy and she would only call me amma once in a blue moon when she wants to be very manja with me. one day, i heard her say... mum...the way they say it on tv. another day i heard her call me mama.... where did she get all that? Astro 613 Playhouse Disney.

i was driving the other day and i stopped at the traffic light. i heard a tiny voice from the back seat.... mummy, what's wrong?

one of the weekends, she lifted the cover of a storage box that contained all her toys. i asked her why was she doing what she was doing....she replied na (short for nadia as she calls herself) nak cari something else.

i like the way she says...hah (with a surprised facial expression), oh my God....and she continues her sentence...

when i put her to sleep, there are a number of things i do...i tell her a little story about the little brown bear and little kutty bear (based on an animation on 613 which she really likes) or the lion king, teach her to say Thank you Allah, sing lullaby to her...some nasyid, doa or a verse from the Quran...

she can now tell a story which she starts with... one day or once a upon of time, there was a little brown bear.... little kutty bear tak mau sleep.... mama bear.... and she goes on and on.

she would say....thank you Allah for giving adik, mummy, daddy, nanni, ummamma, anne, akka... and the list would sometimes stop at daddy or goes on in that sequence... sometimes, she forgets to mention some people in her thank you Allah session...

i let her listen to a doa on IKIM in the mornings...something i really liked and listened to without fail when i was pregnant with my children... after a week or so, she could read it... bismi kallahumma nadaau fi ghuduwi[n] wa rawah laka minna kullu hamdin fi masai[n] wa shobah hablana minka rosyada[h] wahdiina subulasholah inna taqwa Allahi nuurun waa thariiqun lil falaa...
she can read the doa bismillah hillazi la yadurru ma'ismihi shay un fil ardi walaa fis samaa wa huwa samee ul Aleem.... one of the lullabies...

im currently teaching her the rabbana atina fid-dunya hasanatan wa fil 'akhirati hasanatan waqina 'adhaban-nar...i sing it in a rythem to help her to memorize... she is already half-way on it...

when she puts her stuffed toy to sleep....she goes... Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, La ilaha illallah, Allahu Akbar....
i think i need to make a list of all that she has memorised so that i can help her remember them until one day when she could understand the deeper meaning of her recitations more than just a lullaby mummy sings or a doa mummy recites....

i can't imagine my life without listening to my chatterbox everyday.... i can't wait for my son to start talking and so that i can enjoy listening what the brother and sister has to say to each other....

these days, the only thing nadia nasira says to her brother....

adik, why cry?

adik, don't cry.

adik, NO!!!

a transit....

recently, i discovered that one of my colleague's baby girl was diagnosed with congenital heart disease by my children's paediatrician. the baby was about 4 months old at the time of diagnosis. she was admitted merely for bronciolitis and the doctor heard a murmur which then required further diagnosis. my colleague was explaining to me the details of her conditions. everything sounded so familiar to me.

two months later, the baby breathed her last in her sleep last sunday. i am so affected by the news. i smsed him this morning....it must be very painful. Allah knows better. your angel will be in heaven waiting to be reunited with her family in the hereafter. may you find peace knowing it. he replied... insya Allah amin. thank you basaria. tears sprang in my eyes as i read it.

this little angel has touched so many hearts in her short transit in this world before stepping into eternity. it is those whom she has left behind need to find solace and a final closure to let her go in order to free themselves from drowning in the pain and the emptiness felt in her absence. here is where time heals what reason cannot.

al fathihah.....

Gone with the Wind....

finally, i finished watching the famous movie of all times, Gone with the Wind (1939)... a movie adapted from the only novel written by margaret mitchell (1937). i guest ms. mitchell spent all her creative energy writing this novel which made it her only novel. and i think director victor fleming was smart enough to foresee the potential of the novel and adapted it into a movie.

i think it is such a great epic set during the American Civil War and the reconstruction afterwards. the only comparison i can make in this modern day movies is the saga, Legends of the Fall. Gone with the Wind had kept me so absorbed into it that i wish i could find some time to watch it again... this time with my husband....

i could die for a man like Rhett Butler...vulgarly rich, flamboyant, too matured for women with attitude but then again, i am not Scarlett Hamilton Kennedy Butler. Oh well, i am happy in current setting!!!

oh no!!!

i have been following this blog for quite sometime. a family journal written by wendy about her children... charles and caroline!!! i loved reading about them, being part of their journey....

when i tried to access the blog today, i got this message.... oh noooo....

This blog is open to invited readers only
http://rayphotojournal.blogspot.com/
It doesn't look like you have been invited to read this blog. If you think this is a mistake, you might want to contact the blog author and request an invitation.

You're signed in as basaria.risk@gmail.com - Sign in with a different account

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recollection...

it has been sometime since i last updated my blog. been quite lazy about it and in addition, there has been a lot of happenings around me. i have not been putting my camera to work as often as i should.

what slowed me real bad in addition to everything else is that i have picked up this habit of searching for movies on utube and watching it which has been occupying my time. bad!!! bad!!! bad!!!

the chains of events in july 2009
well, we were all quite sad to know that my chinnama, my dad's only brother's wife, were critical with too many things that was going wrong...diabetes, lung infection and kidney failure. the last time i met her in person was in my wedding in 2006 afterwhich she left to india off and on for treatment. the last time i spoke to her was in may 2009 when i was going to invite her to my son's birthday.

she was admitted at the Klang GH. that was two weeks time before my cousin's wedding. i was going to visit her the weekend my mum and my sisters visited her but didn't manage to. the next thing i know, she was in the ICU. that really snapped me into reality....i may never see her again. that night, we drove to Klang GH to visit her but they wouldn't allow any visitors.

i went again the next day for fear that i would never make it in time. i managed to visit her. i knew that she was slowly slipping away. so many equipments were attached to her body. i spoke to her... her hands moved. i could see tears trickling down her eyes. oh my God, i am sure she could hear me. i spoke to her more and said a silent prayer for her before i left with a heavy heart. the thought that i might never see her again crunched my heart each time i think of her.

it was my cousin's wedding that weekend. what an ironic situation for my cousin...the one person you would want at your wedding was not there with you on the most important day of your life but fighting for her life in the ICU. in my experience, the mother and daughter relationship takes a new turn on your wedding day. it was quite sad for everyone who were there at the wedding. my chinnatta cried all the time. thank heavens for the many close knit extended families we have who took care of everything as they would for their own daughters or siblings. my mum told everyone not to cry and upset the bride but after the couple walk down the aisle during the reception, she hid her face and had a good cry.

two days later, my chinnama got better and out of the ICU. we were so glad to hear that and i told my husband that we should visit her soon. the next thing i know, i received a call from my chinnata at about 5 something in the morning....before he said anything, i knew it. my chinnama had passed away exactly a week after her daughter's wedding. God kept her alive until after the wedding...long enough for her to see her newly wedded daughter. it was what everyone prayed for....

may Allah rest her soul in peace.... may all her bitterness in life fade away and may she had forgiven everyone who had done her wrong in her lifetime. i will always remember my childhood days in Banting with my chinnata's family...

may she have found the peace she never had in this life. Al-fathihah....