Monday, July 26, 2010
my unborn child...
i felt the connection with my unborn child... yes, i typed it right.... finally in my 29th week of pregnancy! i felt it right from the start in my first pregnancy, a little later in my second pregnancy and only now with 10 more weeks to go in this pregnancy. i felt it exactly yesterday when i was at my MILs, watching my son play all by himself. i imagined this other fellow with my son and suddenly, i felt my heart warmed by the invisible presence of my redbean! i have been wanting to have this baby even 6 months before i finally conceived... so, this baby is much wanted just like my other babies. however, due to the increasing demands in life, handling my challenging toddlers, dealing with the physical aspects of the pregnancy, issues with my darling maid, i wasn't able to mentally connect with this baby... my little redbean kicks me all the time to tell me that he is around... alright, it is a HE! he does that almost all the time. yet, i never felt that mental connection up until now. poor baby..... well, i guess i have to read up on that subject and start making his presence felt. i have to tell him to be a good baby since mummy is going to be very busy handling his older siblings... welcome to my life, little redbean.... may your presence in our lives complete our family...
25 year old straw hat...
when i was 11 years old, i made my first overseas trip to my forefathers land with my dad and younger brother... east street, panaikulam, ramnad district, tamil nadu. we have an address in india. it also comes with houses, bank accounts, plantations, paddy fields and lots of relatives. my maternal grandmother and paternal grandparents with a whole lot of grand aunts and uncles, aunts and uncles and uncountable cousins lived there when i visited india. some of them had since passed away while some others had moved to malaysia or abroad for good or for a living... my maternal grandfather had passed away shortly after i was born while my paternal grandfather followed suit shortly after we returned from the trip. both my maternal and paternal grandmothers (whom my daughter refers to as big (tall) paati and small (short) paati based on their sizes) lives in my parents house in ipoh. when i went back to my parents, i saw my daughter wearing the straw hat my grandfather gave me when i visited india. that hat is 25 years old... it looked just the same when i first received it except the age showed a little as there were some dust and scratches on it... though i left it behind, that straw hat is part of me, just as the person who gave it to me... it has been 25 years he had left us but the memories of my childhood with him is as fresh as ever.... 
my grandfather was born in penang to an indian merchant and a malaysian woman born to kerala originated parents. he, however, grew up in india with his siblings, indian stepmother and step brothers and sisters after his own mother passed away when he was young. he ended up in india because my great grandmother's father refused to give his other daughter in marriage to my great grandfather since he had 3 wives alive at the time my great grandmother passed away (2 in india and 1 in malaysia). my great grandfather had 4 wives including a javanese woman! how interesting.... his sons made their ways back to penang when they attained age to make a living while his daughters stayed back in india. my grandfather was like any other indian merchants who lived in penang, made periodic trips to india. he got married in india and brought his bride to live in penang but his indian bride could never call this country her home until now, at her golden age. they had a daughter in india, my father and my uncle. my father who is the eldest son to this couple was born in penang and grew up in india until it was time to go to school... my father became a penang boy while his mother stayed back in india with my aunt and uncle. my grandfather raised his son single handedly and they had a great father and son bonding. my grandfather was very proud of his son. my grandfather had always lived in malaysia as far as i remembered. he worked and lived independently. occasionally, he came to stay with us... he loved us very much. he would buy us lots of titbits, mercun and bunga api during eid. he was like a father to my mum. to this date, my mum has only good things to say about him. my famous incident with him was a rather mischievious one. you see, i was a real brat when i was a little girl. my grandfather used to sleep on a mat and i used to watch him sleep. his stomach would rise and fall as he be in his deep sleep. one day, i told my little brother to sit on his stomach while he was asleep. my darling brother did as what his sister told him to do. my grandfather woke up with a scream. imagine the rest...i got into a huge trouble with my parents!!! he grew older and one day, he fell seriously ill. my father cared for him, provided the best of medical care and when he was better, my father sent him back to his indian bride in india to care for her husband. he lived a happy life in india, taking care of the plantations and paddy fields, upgrading his home and his plantations including a well for the public. it was when we visited him years later, my grandfather fell ill again. he lost his ability to speak but on that blissful morning when we bid him farewell, we witnessed the love of a father towards his son. with the strength shown by winston churchil on the day he stood up from his wheelchair and made that speech, my grandfather held his son's hand and recited some Quranic verses. deep in my father's heart, he knew that was their last meeting. 6 months later, my grandfather passed away in a land he grew up in, by the side of his indian bride and other relatives. i have never seen my father sad, let alone shed a tear but when he got that telegram saying my grandfather passed away, i saw him cry... the 25 year old straw hat speaks the history of yahaya, my grandfather to me. the current male lineage of my grandfather is burhanuddin al ahyan bin badaruddin bin ahayanutheen bin yahaya bin mohd yusuf bin pitchay ghani bin adam. this makes me the 6th generation indian muslim in this land while my children the 7th generation.... we are bumiputeras by virtue of the constitution. i am thankful to my great grandfather who made his way to this country (i am not sure if his dad did too), the land of peace. may Allah protect and bless this generation. may Allah also forgive the sins of my forefathers and place them with the pious in the heavans... amin.
my grandfather was born in penang to an indian merchant and a malaysian woman born to kerala originated parents. he, however, grew up in india with his siblings, indian stepmother and step brothers and sisters after his own mother passed away when he was young. he ended up in india because my great grandmother's father refused to give his other daughter in marriage to my great grandfather since he had 3 wives alive at the time my great grandmother passed away (2 in india and 1 in malaysia). my great grandfather had 4 wives including a javanese woman! how interesting.... his sons made their ways back to penang when they attained age to make a living while his daughters stayed back in india. my grandfather was like any other indian merchants who lived in penang, made periodic trips to india. he got married in india and brought his bride to live in penang but his indian bride could never call this country her home until now, at her golden age. they had a daughter in india, my father and my uncle. my father who is the eldest son to this couple was born in penang and grew up in india until it was time to go to school... my father became a penang boy while his mother stayed back in india with my aunt and uncle. my grandfather raised his son single handedly and they had a great father and son bonding. my grandfather was very proud of his son. my grandfather had always lived in malaysia as far as i remembered. he worked and lived independently. occasionally, he came to stay with us... he loved us very much. he would buy us lots of titbits, mercun and bunga api during eid. he was like a father to my mum. to this date, my mum has only good things to say about him. my famous incident with him was a rather mischievious one. you see, i was a real brat when i was a little girl. my grandfather used to sleep on a mat and i used to watch him sleep. his stomach would rise and fall as he be in his deep sleep. one day, i told my little brother to sit on his stomach while he was asleep. my darling brother did as what his sister told him to do. my grandfather woke up with a scream. imagine the rest...i got into a huge trouble with my parents!!! he grew older and one day, he fell seriously ill. my father cared for him, provided the best of medical care and when he was better, my father sent him back to his indian bride in india to care for her husband. he lived a happy life in india, taking care of the plantations and paddy fields, upgrading his home and his plantations including a well for the public. it was when we visited him years later, my grandfather fell ill again. he lost his ability to speak but on that blissful morning when we bid him farewell, we witnessed the love of a father towards his son. with the strength shown by winston churchil on the day he stood up from his wheelchair and made that speech, my grandfather held his son's hand and recited some Quranic verses. deep in my father's heart, he knew that was their last meeting. 6 months later, my grandfather passed away in a land he grew up in, by the side of his indian bride and other relatives. i have never seen my father sad, let alone shed a tear but when he got that telegram saying my grandfather passed away, i saw him cry... the 25 year old straw hat speaks the history of yahaya, my grandfather to me. the current male lineage of my grandfather is burhanuddin al ahyan bin badaruddin bin ahayanutheen bin yahaya bin mohd yusuf bin pitchay ghani bin adam. this makes me the 6th generation indian muslim in this land while my children the 7th generation.... we are bumiputeras by virtue of the constitution. i am thankful to my great grandfather who made his way to this country (i am not sure if his dad did too), the land of peace. may Allah protect and bless this generation. may Allah also forgive the sins of my forefathers and place them with the pious in the heavans... amin.
barber shop
my son had his first visit to a barber shop sometime ago when we visited ipoh... i didn't have a camera at that time to capture the moments. recently, we visited the same barber when we were back in ipoh... i think the shop is called velu hair saloon... the barber is a young man from india who is very jovial with children. this made him 'user friendly' considering the fact that my two year old son can be very reserved if he didn't like the stranger. from the photographs, it is evident that this little guy considers the stranger a friend... 
always a daddy's girl
my dad fell ill recently and was admitted to the hospital for about a week. just a month ago, he came down from sabah (he is based in sabah), attended his latest grandson's naming ceremony and had his health checked.... alhamdullilah, his health check only showed that he needed to reduce his cholesterol and i think, some issues with thyroid. all of a sudden, he called from KLIA some two weeks ago telling me that he was on the way to ipoh coz he didn't feel well. he vaguely told me what he thought was wrong with him. since my husband wasn't around and i don't really know my way around KLIA, i called my brother to check on my dad. i could feel that something was really wrong with him. oh well, as i thought... when i called home, i was told that my dad was admitted for a very high blood pressure which could result in a stroke. i was frantic thinking of the state he was possibly in when he made that casual call from KLIA earlier that day... i was calmer when i was told that he was better and tests are being run to find out what was wrong with him. finally, he was diagnosed with a lung infection. it was such a relief and i prayed for his good health. i couldn't speak to him all week for fear of breaking down which upset him. daddy's girl didn't call him! i broke down a few times when i was on the phone with my mum. thank God that my siblings who lived in ipoh could attend to him. that weekend, we made a trip back to ipoh. it was a full house like the festive seasons since all my brothers and sisters made that trip back home too except for my younger brother who lives in sabah and his family. you see, my dad is a very determined person and he has the strength and ability to move a mountain! that strength brought him home to his family when he almost collapsed physically. i grew up idolising my dad just like any other daddy's girl. i knew him as the most good looking man (i dare say he was in his prime), a great orator (he writes such good speeches and delivers them well during the days he was doing public service), a great countryman (he helped in many forms all those people who came to him for help), a man who made his fortune but was never been able to sustain his successes as he was a very honest businessman, a man who fathered his children the best way he could although it may not be the best due to his not so beautiful childhood, a man who believed in giving his children education as the greatest asset....etc. what i can say about my father is never ending... he is my father... the person i think of when i listen to frank sinatra's my way (the other person would be tun dr. mahathir mohamed) i am his girl and i know i will always be his girl. he had said this in many occasions and it was most touching when he said it on the day he gave me away in marriage. he had and has his weaknesses like every other person but what he has given us made us what we are today... it is all his hardwork and sacrifice, not forgetting the great force behind him, my wonderful mum who has no flaws in my eyes. i might have wanted more from my father but i am proud of him for the man he is and i pray that i will amulet the best in my parents. i am glad that my dad is alright and i really hope that he will be blessed with good mental and physical health for him to be around many many years to see his grandchildren grow older!!!
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
being blunt or pure arrogance
i was appointed to be part of a tender evaluation committee for risk and insurance broking services for one of the power generation projects that is being carried.
i attended the kick-off meeting and as we started the evaluation, one of the project team member from another organisation who is also on GLC cross assignment program asked a few questions. i explained, something i have done for many many years, so it came naturally. he then passed a comment or two about the evaluation criteria. i explained again....i was short of saying since it was an approved evaluation criteria, spare me from having to explain.
he passed another comment to which i could no longer be courteous. he said the international market would prefer to deal with mat sallehs, so why is it that having bumiputera status is a mandatory criteria. now, let's be sarcastic.... he is a GLC cross assignee! doesn't he know the national agenda? GLCs CSR requirements? do most malaysians have the mentality that mat sallehs have got better brains and therefore, are more capable than any other malaysian? how about this... we have beggars and they are malaysians, the mat salleh countries also have beggars and they are mat sallehs. if you need to strike a deal in China, you learn to deal with the Chinese. it works the same way here!!!
well, i was a bit blunt, arrogant as well as rude, i guess. i couldn't help it. i thought our exchanges would have kept him quiet but no! he came up with another controversial statement or rather question! why are women in malaysia against polygamy? mereka yang rugi. i felt like he walked into an alligator's mouth ever ready to snap. he was trying to trap me into a conversation that is sensitive to most malaysian women but not me. he wasn't prepared to what he was about to hear.
me: polygamy, i am not against it. can, no problem!
he: most malaysian women are. not like the arab women.
me: well, i guess, marrying more than one has become a culture to the arabs and therefore, the women there readily accept the idea. not us. our culture has more indian and chinese influence which propagate monogamy.
he: Allah allows it.
me: yes, Allah allows it by saying... “Marry women of your choice 2, 3 or 4 provided that you will be able to do justice amongst them and you will not be able to do justice amongst them even if it is your ardent desire”...men like the first part but what about the second part that qualifies you to marry more than one? Allah provide the general principles in the Quran and it is the duty of the religious authorities to implement them with the specific guidelines using Quran, Sunnah, Ijmak and Qias. tomorrow, if Datuk Shahrizat decides to promote polygamy as a way to address social issues with women in this country, polygamy may no longer be a taboo subject in malaysia. She could urge the authorities to come up with guidelines to ensure men who decides on polygamy do justice to their women. there will be a set of rules which probably says 1) men who wants to indulge in polygamy must prove their ability to be just in providing the basic needs for all their women 2) women no longer need to assist their husbands in making a living and may opt for being lady of leisure and perform their tugas hakiki i.e. be wives, mothers and home makes. that is what the arab men do... they look for money and provide for their women while their women be home makers and take care of their men and children. if you want to follow the arabs, then do like the arabs. when this happens, let's see how many men are willing to go ahead with polygamy... all their applications would probably be turned down.
he: (astonished at what he had just heard tried to take a different turn) that is why they go to thailand.
me: we still tak rugi. we live this life for the hereafter. it is so easy for women to enter paradise. if men were to go to thailand, they must be prepared to go to hell. siapa rugi? men! it is just that malaysian women hold their husbands so close to their hearts while the arab women are programmed not to. malaysian men are ungrateful in this aspect. malaysian women should probably live the life of arab women while the men suffer to do justice in marrying more than 1.
he was dumbfounded and left the room after a while. good riddance as we could now continue with the task at hand. i asked myself... was i being blunt or was it all pure arrogance....
i attended the kick-off meeting and as we started the evaluation, one of the project team member from another organisation who is also on GLC cross assignment program asked a few questions. i explained, something i have done for many many years, so it came naturally. he then passed a comment or two about the evaluation criteria. i explained again....i was short of saying since it was an approved evaluation criteria, spare me from having to explain.
he passed another comment to which i could no longer be courteous. he said the international market would prefer to deal with mat sallehs, so why is it that having bumiputera status is a mandatory criteria. now, let's be sarcastic.... he is a GLC cross assignee! doesn't he know the national agenda? GLCs CSR requirements? do most malaysians have the mentality that mat sallehs have got better brains and therefore, are more capable than any other malaysian? how about this... we have beggars and they are malaysians, the mat salleh countries also have beggars and they are mat sallehs. if you need to strike a deal in China, you learn to deal with the Chinese. it works the same way here!!!
well, i was a bit blunt, arrogant as well as rude, i guess. i couldn't help it. i thought our exchanges would have kept him quiet but no! he came up with another controversial statement or rather question! why are women in malaysia against polygamy? mereka yang rugi. i felt like he walked into an alligator's mouth ever ready to snap. he was trying to trap me into a conversation that is sensitive to most malaysian women but not me. he wasn't prepared to what he was about to hear.
me: polygamy, i am not against it. can, no problem!
he: most malaysian women are. not like the arab women.
me: well, i guess, marrying more than one has become a culture to the arabs and therefore, the women there readily accept the idea. not us. our culture has more indian and chinese influence which propagate monogamy.
he: Allah allows it.
me: yes, Allah allows it by saying... “Marry women of your choice 2, 3 or 4 provided that you will be able to do justice amongst them and you will not be able to do justice amongst them even if it is your ardent desire”...men like the first part but what about the second part that qualifies you to marry more than one? Allah provide the general principles in the Quran and it is the duty of the religious authorities to implement them with the specific guidelines using Quran, Sunnah, Ijmak and Qias. tomorrow, if Datuk Shahrizat decides to promote polygamy as a way to address social issues with women in this country, polygamy may no longer be a taboo subject in malaysia. She could urge the authorities to come up with guidelines to ensure men who decides on polygamy do justice to their women. there will be a set of rules which probably says 1) men who wants to indulge in polygamy must prove their ability to be just in providing the basic needs for all their women 2) women no longer need to assist their husbands in making a living and may opt for being lady of leisure and perform their tugas hakiki i.e. be wives, mothers and home makes. that is what the arab men do... they look for money and provide for their women while their women be home makers and take care of their men and children. if you want to follow the arabs, then do like the arabs. when this happens, let's see how many men are willing to go ahead with polygamy... all their applications would probably be turned down.
he: (astonished at what he had just heard tried to take a different turn) that is why they go to thailand.
me: we still tak rugi. we live this life for the hereafter. it is so easy for women to enter paradise. if men were to go to thailand, they must be prepared to go to hell. siapa rugi? men! it is just that malaysian women hold their husbands so close to their hearts while the arab women are programmed not to. malaysian men are ungrateful in this aspect. malaysian women should probably live the life of arab women while the men suffer to do justice in marrying more than 1.
he was dumbfounded and left the room after a while. good riddance as we could now continue with the task at hand. i asked myself... was i being blunt or was it all pure arrogance....
Monday, July 12, 2010
young working mothers
my friends and i are a bunch of ex-university mates who got married late in life and therefore, we have toddlers and babies to look after as well as a hectic career since we are all workaholics.
we rarely have got to meet each other since we don't really have the time to spare. every waking hours are filled with commitments. whenever we get to meet, we are busy managing the children; feeding, diaper changing and making sure they are save as well as behave with other children. whatever conversation we managed to have is in between that.
however, we managed to have tons of conversation in the office through the email chats. that doesn't mean we don't work, alright. there are days we go on silent mode. but on a day like today....since morning, we talked about hani's children's bday party, liza's divorce, sherry being a people's person, my sharing of an interesting email about myself being a dedicated employee accidentally sent to me, khine's parents in law and finally, the herbal plants we would like to have at home... those are a whole lot of interesting things to talk about and apparently, so refreshing.
and now, it is 5.15pm! it is time for me to go home to the hectic life without a maid!!! i am a happy woman, thanks to these chats i treasure so much.
we rarely have got to meet each other since we don't really have the time to spare. every waking hours are filled with commitments. whenever we get to meet, we are busy managing the children; feeding, diaper changing and making sure they are save as well as behave with other children. whatever conversation we managed to have is in between that.
however, we managed to have tons of conversation in the office through the email chats. that doesn't mean we don't work, alright. there are days we go on silent mode. but on a day like today....since morning, we talked about hani's children's bday party, liza's divorce, sherry being a people's person, my sharing of an interesting email about myself being a dedicated employee accidentally sent to me, khine's parents in law and finally, the herbal plants we would like to have at home... those are a whole lot of interesting things to talk about and apparently, so refreshing.
and now, it is 5.15pm! it is time for me to go home to the hectic life without a maid!!! i am a happy woman, thanks to these chats i treasure so much.
world cup 2010
the throphy has been lifted by the most deserving... espanyol! it pains me because i have been a german fan for the last 20 years and naturally, i really wanted germany to raise to the world championship's victory again...i have been a football fan only for the last 20 years though i grew up with the boys at home watching football. i knew the likes of pele, maradona (i'm sure everyone knows them), ruud gullit, van basten, platini, zico and gary lineker in my growing up years. when i developed passion for football, i fancied the likes of jurgen klinsmann, loather mathaeus, oliver kahn and zinedin zidane (i loved his name more than the football that he played....i even would have named my son by this name if my husband had agreed. it could be the reason why my son is a natural footballer at the age of 2).
i subscribed to the sports channel for the entire month... my husband and i was having the same conversation as we both are german supporters, waited for the game, stayed up together on some nights while other times, he kept me updated of the scores... i found out that my brother in law (whom i didn't think was interested in any game was also a german fan).... my sister had stayed up to wake my brother in law and nephew (and me who lives 200 km away) to watch germany play.... i also discovered that my other sister is also a german fan.... runs in the family, i guess... not to mention, all of us and our friends even talk about world cup on facebook.
now that it is over.... i feel like the huge and month long get together is over and now, it is the morning after... we will have to look for something else to keep the spirit going!
what amazes me about this game is that it has the power to unite the world, something nelson mandela had capitalised on when he looked for a recipe to unite his country. this country was entrenched in racism by law where the black and the white had no ways of being united. with the release of nelson mandela in 1990, the world had witnessed the slow but a sure evolution so much so that today, the whites are able to paint their faces with the colours of Ghana's flag. the true hero of south africa is nelson mandela, the man who showed the africans what the malaysian would say... malaysia boleh, hmmm.... well, in a greater sense! football was a tool for nation building and social cohesion.... something the superpowers of the world need to be educated to do instead of finding ways to outdo each other while destroying the emerging nations....
well.... at 92 years old, nelson mandela has proven to be a secular saint and a living legend who has a legacy to leave to this world. i am proud to have lived in the same era and pray that my children will grow up to follow the footsteps of legends like him...
what amazes me about this game is that it has the power to unite the world, something nelson mandela had capitalised on when he looked for a recipe to unite his country. this country was entrenched in racism by law where the black and the white had no ways of being united. with the release of nelson mandela in 1990, the world had witnessed the slow but a sure evolution so much so that today, the whites are able to paint their faces with the colours of Ghana's flag. the true hero of south africa is nelson mandela, the man who showed the africans what the malaysian would say... malaysia boleh, hmmm.... well, in a greater sense! football was a tool for nation building and social cohesion.... something the superpowers of the world need to be educated to do instead of finding ways to outdo each other while destroying the emerging nations....
well.... at 92 years old, nelson mandela has proven to be a secular saint and a living legend who has a legacy to leave to this world. i am proud to have lived in the same era and pray that my children will grow up to follow the footsteps of legends like him...
Thursday, July 1, 2010
short trip to nilai springs
recently, i had a workshop to attend at nilai springs golf course.... it is relatively a new hotel, quite close to home and it was a beautiful one. they have one of the nicest pool. while i was there, my husband brought the children and my mil on a day trip specially for the pool....
my children in action...
my macho son refused the float...
treat for the kids.... 
saloon
my children has learnt to play with each other even though for a very short span of time... i noticed that it will always be the sister who would want to play with her brother. could be nadia nasira's social interaction with other children in school that has taught her to play with her brother...
recently, i saw a role play...
cooking time
you can't leave my children alone because they can't keep their hands off each other.... now, how do i cook lunch without having to come to their rescue every other minute... jeng! jeng! jeng!
i gave nadia nasira her pots & pans and asked her to cook lunch for everyone while muhammad nashwan nasr was assigned to prepare breakfast for the family! it worked for a good fifteen minutes...
fariz' birthday party
here are some photographs taken at fariz' birthday party at great eastern mall....
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