the first man who held my hands, who loved me, who believed in me, who thought i was so cute, who pushed me beyond my limits, who got upset with me for i could have done better, who laughed with me, who cheered me, who said it's ok when i was down, who worked so hard so that i will always have the best....is the reason for the person i am today....i love u atta....
i am shaken...my whole world is falling apart...i never thought i would see you the way i did today...you were the tiger to lots and lots and lots of people... you were the first person i was so impressed with....when i was a little girl, i was so proud of you and i did once said to myself that when i grow up, i will be just like my dad....he seemed to know everything... solution to every problem...
get well soon, dear atta... i know that Allah loves you... while He watch over you, my dear dad i shall pray for your peace...
Monday, September 24, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
the eve of eid ul fitri 2012
here is our eid story and pictorial updates...
on the eve of eid, we went to my mil's for the children to enjoy themselves... this adds on to the eid atmosphere....
here is my lil man who is old enough to play the bunga api on his own with maximum supervision...
these two are old enough to enjoy themselves while make me scream all the time...
my three lil precious...
in the house, the grandmother is busy with her cooking though she had been very very sick the last few days... mothers are always always the light of a house, without whom will be i will feel a part of me empty forever...
on the eve of eid, we went to my mil's for the children to enjoy themselves... this adds on to the eid atmosphere....
here is my lil man who is old enough to play the bunga api on his own with maximum supervision...
these two are old enough to enjoy themselves while make me scream all the time...
my three lil precious...
popping the pop pop...notice how the lil man follows everything his brother does...
in the house, the grandmother is busy with her cooking though she had been very very sick the last few days... mothers are always always the light of a house, without whom will be i will feel a part of me empty forever...
Thursday, September 13, 2012
al fatihah
it was midnight 16 July 2012 that i received a phone call to say my paternal grandmother appears to be in a nazak condition. apparently she was all fine earlier in the evening. there was a thunder and so my dad went to check on her. he found her collapsed on her bed. my mum came to her side and cleaned her up. she saw some tears in her eyes. my mum heard the deep sound in her throat.... the sound that indicates a person is going through sakaratul maut. it was only more than a month earlier did i tell my father that i felt it was her time already so be kind to her and send her off properly. i was waiting for my husband to arrive in the morning so that i could visit her even if it was a day trip.
i made some phone calls to check on her condition and something told me that she will breath her last. so i called my mother and told her to move my grandmother out of that gloomy room (since she refused to even open the windows) as i dont want her to breath her last in there.
it was not long after that did i receive another call to inform me that she has bid her farewell.... we managed to be there at the funeral to pay her last respects... i was amazed at how young and beautiful she looked. maybe, the worldly burden had been lifted off her....
i hope that she rests in peace. i pray that God forgive all her sins and accept all her good deeds and may her resting place be gardens of paradise... goodbye attams as i call her, my attama...till we meet again.
almost a century old....
her blessings upon me....
i made some phone calls to check on her condition and something told me that she will breath her last. so i called my mother and told her to move my grandmother out of that gloomy room (since she refused to even open the windows) as i dont want her to breath her last in there.
it was not long after that did i receive another call to inform me that she has bid her farewell.... we managed to be there at the funeral to pay her last respects... i was amazed at how young and beautiful she looked. maybe, the worldly burden had been lifted off her....
i hope that she rests in peace. i pray that God forgive all her sins and accept all her good deeds and may her resting place be gardens of paradise... goodbye attams as i call her, my attama...till we meet again.
almost a century old....
her blessings upon me....
power of praises and acknowledgement
some people are so so stingy with praises... God knows what holds them back from praising and making other people feel good... self esteem? or maybe they are never generous with anything at all except condemnation ... could be some kind of ridiculous misconception here...
it is human nature that one needs acknowledgement though the degree varies. it is a known fact and proven methodology which works fabulously in parenting and most importantly, in having good relationships. i realised that with my children, it is one of the most powerful strategies. the positive words uttered to them yields nothing but positive reaction. praises and acknowledgement boost self esteem and bring about the feel good factor which then improves relationships and in the end brings only happiness.
did you realise that if it is a stranger, our tongue seem to be very light to utter sorry or excuse me as well as to be polite. should a passerby came in our way, we don't shove them aside but how many times do we get irritated with our loved ones in similar instances...
in many marriages, the feel good factor doesn't exist or couples fail to bring it out or do not prioritise it. we take for granted the most important people in our lives without whom our lives will be meaningless. yet, we take them for granted and treat them less than what they deserve. try some words of praises and acknowledge them for their deeds...sit back and watch their reaction.
it was only this morning did i witness the effects of such on me. for days i have been trying to make perfect homemade yogurt and i succeeded this morning. that in itself gave me the satisfaction and made my day. i served my husband the yogurt with cubes of apple and a cup of coffee... he didn't want to have yogurt in the morning but i told him to simply try it for my sake... he did and almost finished a bowl of it. he uttered something nice. complements... something small but it only encouraged me to be more innovative...it only encouraged me to do more for him.... maybe i have the need for acknowledgement a little more than others. yet...the same applies.... feel good factor is so important in any relationship...
doesn't the conscience hit you hard in the head or are you simply ignorant and arrogant?
it is human nature that one needs acknowledgement though the degree varies. it is a known fact and proven methodology which works fabulously in parenting and most importantly, in having good relationships. i realised that with my children, it is one of the most powerful strategies. the positive words uttered to them yields nothing but positive reaction. praises and acknowledgement boost self esteem and bring about the feel good factor which then improves relationships and in the end brings only happiness.
did you realise that if it is a stranger, our tongue seem to be very light to utter sorry or excuse me as well as to be polite. should a passerby came in our way, we don't shove them aside but how many times do we get irritated with our loved ones in similar instances...
in many marriages, the feel good factor doesn't exist or couples fail to bring it out or do not prioritise it. we take for granted the most important people in our lives without whom our lives will be meaningless. yet, we take them for granted and treat them less than what they deserve. try some words of praises and acknowledge them for their deeds...sit back and watch their reaction.
it was only this morning did i witness the effects of such on me. for days i have been trying to make perfect homemade yogurt and i succeeded this morning. that in itself gave me the satisfaction and made my day. i served my husband the yogurt with cubes of apple and a cup of coffee... he didn't want to have yogurt in the morning but i told him to simply try it for my sake... he did and almost finished a bowl of it. he uttered something nice. complements... something small but it only encouraged me to be more innovative...it only encouraged me to do more for him.... maybe i have the need for acknowledgement a little more than others. yet...the same applies.... feel good factor is so important in any relationship...
doesn't the conscience hit you hard in the head or are you simply ignorant and arrogant?
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
payment terms
it is amazing how God rewards you on cash payment terms...
i had breakfast with my husband at the mahbub's yesterday...i said i would pay for breakfast because if i had fed someone in the morning, God will probably reward me by making my day smooth with no hiccups whatsoever...
and i did. hopped into the car and off we went. i reached the office and at my desk, i took my phone out of my handbag eager to start the day. i looked again....and again....this time, frantically. where could it be? did i leave it in the car? i couldn't have left it on the table at the restaurant... niza, could you please call my phone? she did... i heard her say, ye? siapa ni? oh, pelanggan di mahbub.... simpankan ye, saya datang sekarang.
she took her car keys and said let's go....knowing that i didn't drive to work. i followed her obediently. we reached the restaurant and she called my phone again. i looked around to note if anyone was answering a phone. the old man who sat at the table i sat earlier answered the phone while looking at me....
he handed my phone over to me and said, be more careful next time....with a sheepish smile, i thanked him. we sat at another table since niza has yet to have breakfast. i prayed to God that these souls be rewarded. all the same, i had to hear a lecture from her but as she was talking, i had a sudden realization....
i had said in less than an hour ago that God will keep an eye on me and yes, He did. it was probably His way of telling me that he agreed to what i had told my husband earlier...the lil hiccup was probably intended for me to believe in what i had said earlier with conviction. could it be that i was destined to lose my phone? if only i was, it would have costed me a minimum of RM1,000 (since i will not buy anything cheaper) to replace it.
all praise to God, thank you for the payment terms...niza's breakfast was on me....
i had breakfast with my husband at the mahbub's yesterday...i said i would pay for breakfast because if i had fed someone in the morning, God will probably reward me by making my day smooth with no hiccups whatsoever...
and i did. hopped into the car and off we went. i reached the office and at my desk, i took my phone out of my handbag eager to start the day. i looked again....and again....this time, frantically. where could it be? did i leave it in the car? i couldn't have left it on the table at the restaurant... niza, could you please call my phone? she did... i heard her say, ye? siapa ni? oh, pelanggan di mahbub.... simpankan ye, saya datang sekarang.
she took her car keys and said let's go....knowing that i didn't drive to work. i followed her obediently. we reached the restaurant and she called my phone again. i looked around to note if anyone was answering a phone. the old man who sat at the table i sat earlier answered the phone while looking at me....
he handed my phone over to me and said, be more careful next time....with a sheepish smile, i thanked him. we sat at another table since niza has yet to have breakfast. i prayed to God that these souls be rewarded. all the same, i had to hear a lecture from her but as she was talking, i had a sudden realization....
i had said in less than an hour ago that God will keep an eye on me and yes, He did. it was probably His way of telling me that he agreed to what i had told my husband earlier...the lil hiccup was probably intended for me to believe in what i had said earlier with conviction. could it be that i was destined to lose my phone? if only i was, it would have costed me a minimum of RM1,000 (since i will not buy anything cheaper) to replace it.
all praise to God, thank you for the payment terms...niza's breakfast was on me....
Monday, September 10, 2012
stop the killings, whoever you are...
today is september, 10... i remember september 10 because it was the day one of TNB's IPPs in Pakistan was commissioned and it was sure a glad tiding for a lot of people. it is surely an assignment that was dear to me as i worked on it for many many years. it was also an assignment that brought me abroad.
and tomorrow will be september, 11.... a day the world will forever remember.... i too will forever remember that day...it was a day that saw one of the greatest destruction in the most civilised world, the world that propagates morality and integrity...reflected in great eloquent speeches...
it all happened in a land thousands of miles away from me where the pride of a nation stood tall and steady. it all went crumbling down within hours... how ruthless can human being be? ...i wept for the many lives that died, for their moments of death, for their terror and screams of fear, for the many people whose life changed forever... i shed tears for the aftermath, the sufferings....
i was speechless when i found out that it was the muslims who were behind the bombing... i couldn't help it but to comment.... when you rape their daughters, sisters and mothers, when you kill their babies and their loved ones, when you invade their lands, when you disrupt their peace...are you insane to think that they will not retaliate? be it the muslims or be it not...every human being has a right to protect what is theirs and didn't your mother teach you not to take what is not yours? i felt the vengeance, the retribution...
i still wept..for each and everyone of them...i worshiped the heroes who struggled through the aftermath...i watched CNN and BBC and Al Jazeerah, i googled the web and shared their pain and misery.... i still watch the collapse of the twin towers while thinking of our own pride here in Malaysia. i guess i will never recover if such were to happen here in my home ground. God forbid....
when i was somber, i began being cynical over who the suicide bombers actually were...i began questioning, looking for facts and made my own conclusion...who are you kidding, mr. strategist? you mean to say that your security level enables such penetration? you mean to say that the structures of one of your tallest buildings melts away within hours? like a child who always wanted to solve a mystery while reading her favourite mystery fiction, i concluded that some foul play was involved... someone designed and executed mass killing and blamed it on the muslims. this design shall be the foundation of a bigger strategy.... it is one of the biggest fitnah to the muslims, clearly designed and executed strategy to torment them under the banner of terrorism....
why the muslims? oh well, muslims equals to middle east equals to oil and natural resources..... and oh, the villain had been perpetually killed by the intelligence...
i am among the millions who will continue making or wanting to know the conspiracy theory behind the murder of almost 3000 people... this theory is continued to be discussed at various forum... one of my favourite is http://www.ae911truth.org/en/component/content/frontpage.html
terrorist? here is my favourite quote....
Who started the first world war ? Muslims ? Who started the second world war ? Muslims ? Who killed about 20 millions of Aborigines in Australia ? Muslims ?? Who sent the nuclear bombs of Hiroshima and Nagasaki ? Muslims ?? Who killed more than 100 millions of Indians in North America ? Muslims ?? Who killed more than 50 millions of Indians in south America ? Muslims ?? Who took about 180 millions of African people as slaves and 88% of them died and was thrown in Atlantic ocean ? Muslims ??
i pray....stop the killing whoever you are.... every life has a value attached....if you kill, you ought to be punished....doesn't matter if you are a muslim or not.... let's hold hands to walk towards world peace.... one world one nation....may humanity prevails in the hearts of each and everyone of you....
my thoughts and prayers on september 11 are for those who lost their lives in the hands of barbaric terrorists....and with those muslims who suffered and still is suffering by the fitnah...
and tomorrow will be september, 11.... a day the world will forever remember.... i too will forever remember that day...it was a day that saw one of the greatest destruction in the most civilised world, the world that propagates morality and integrity...reflected in great eloquent speeches...
it all happened in a land thousands of miles away from me where the pride of a nation stood tall and steady. it all went crumbling down within hours... how ruthless can human being be? ...i wept for the many lives that died, for their moments of death, for their terror and screams of fear, for the many people whose life changed forever... i shed tears for the aftermath, the sufferings....
i was speechless when i found out that it was the muslims who were behind the bombing... i couldn't help it but to comment.... when you rape their daughters, sisters and mothers, when you kill their babies and their loved ones, when you invade their lands, when you disrupt their peace...are you insane to think that they will not retaliate? be it the muslims or be it not...every human being has a right to protect what is theirs and didn't your mother teach you not to take what is not yours? i felt the vengeance, the retribution...
i still wept..for each and everyone of them...i worshiped the heroes who struggled through the aftermath...i watched CNN and BBC and Al Jazeerah, i googled the web and shared their pain and misery.... i still watch the collapse of the twin towers while thinking of our own pride here in Malaysia. i guess i will never recover if such were to happen here in my home ground. God forbid....
when i was somber, i began being cynical over who the suicide bombers actually were...i began questioning, looking for facts and made my own conclusion...who are you kidding, mr. strategist? you mean to say that your security level enables such penetration? you mean to say that the structures of one of your tallest buildings melts away within hours? like a child who always wanted to solve a mystery while reading her favourite mystery fiction, i concluded that some foul play was involved... someone designed and executed mass killing and blamed it on the muslims. this design shall be the foundation of a bigger strategy.... it is one of the biggest fitnah to the muslims, clearly designed and executed strategy to torment them under the banner of terrorism....
why the muslims? oh well, muslims equals to middle east equals to oil and natural resources..... and oh, the villain had been perpetually killed by the intelligence...
i am among the millions who will continue making or wanting to know the conspiracy theory behind the murder of almost 3000 people... this theory is continued to be discussed at various forum... one of my favourite is http://www.ae911truth.org/en/component/content/frontpage.html
terrorist? here is my favourite quote....
Who started the first world war ? Muslims ? Who started the second world war ? Muslims ? Who killed about 20 millions of Aborigines in Australia ? Muslims ?? Who sent the nuclear bombs of Hiroshima and Nagasaki ? Muslims ?? Who killed more than 100 millions of Indians in North America ? Muslims ?? Who killed more than 50 millions of Indians in south America ? Muslims ?? Who took about 180 millions of African people as slaves and 88% of them died and was thrown in Atlantic ocean ? Muslims ??
i pray....stop the killing whoever you are.... every life has a value attached....if you kill, you ought to be punished....doesn't matter if you are a muslim or not.... let's hold hands to walk towards world peace.... one world one nation....may humanity prevails in the hearts of each and everyone of you....
my thoughts and prayers on september 11 are for those who lost their lives in the hands of barbaric terrorists....and with those muslims who suffered and still is suffering by the fitnah...
inner rumblings
it has been so so long since i penned my thoughts here in my favourite space....
maybe i have not been thinking much? maybe i have not been reading much? maybe fb is such a distraction and a waste of time? oh whatever the reason is, i don't like it. i really don't like it. i don't like the fact that writing my thoughts in this space i so created is no longer part of my daily routine....who shall i blame?
i forgive myself for all the errors and screw ups in life....i almost forgive everyone for all theirs towards me but guess what, i NEVER forget.... God has given me the ability to tolerate almost everything because i believe in pay back... what goes around comes around and as such, if you are smart, do unto others what you wish for yourself. see, i give everyone the benefit of the doubt and full marks until they disappoint me... i wonder whether it is alright doing that....i do what i do and what i think is alright to be done even if im seen as a social deviant...
being a social deviant...this is what i think... keep your opinions to yourself because all you do is give opinions and i am sure that if you are in my shoes, you might not even follow your own opinions... to each their own. therefore, my favourite statement....if you have nothing nice to say please say nothing....
seriously, i am not sure what my rumblings are about this morning.... i am happy i am writing... here's hoping to spending more time in my favourite space.... until then, cheers....
when i saw this pic, i just thought that my mood is in a sulking mode just like this picture that failed to give me the results....if you greet me now, you will have no idea of the chaos in my thoughts as i will greet you back with such sweet smile....
maybe i have not been thinking much? maybe i have not been reading much? maybe fb is such a distraction and a waste of time? oh whatever the reason is, i don't like it. i really don't like it. i don't like the fact that writing my thoughts in this space i so created is no longer part of my daily routine....who shall i blame?
i forgive myself for all the errors and screw ups in life....i almost forgive everyone for all theirs towards me but guess what, i NEVER forget.... God has given me the ability to tolerate almost everything because i believe in pay back... what goes around comes around and as such, if you are smart, do unto others what you wish for yourself. see, i give everyone the benefit of the doubt and full marks until they disappoint me... i wonder whether it is alright doing that....i do what i do and what i think is alright to be done even if im seen as a social deviant...
being a social deviant...this is what i think... keep your opinions to yourself because all you do is give opinions and i am sure that if you are in my shoes, you might not even follow your own opinions... to each their own. therefore, my favourite statement....if you have nothing nice to say please say nothing....
seriously, i am not sure what my rumblings are about this morning.... i am happy i am writing... here's hoping to spending more time in my favourite space.... until then, cheers....
when i saw this pic, i just thought that my mood is in a sulking mode just like this picture that failed to give me the results....if you greet me now, you will have no idea of the chaos in my thoughts as i will greet you back with such sweet smile....
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
coming to terms...
even Allah knows that i am not an easily convinced person. i am amazed at how i think He tried to convince me about something so sensitive and dear to me...it is He who made me the way i am.
even a small issue, i would explore further until the warning signs go blinking before i believe something....i have always been looking for a sign whether God had destined 3 children or 4 children for me....i had even decided that i will not interefere with what i deem to be His decision...
when i lost honeystar, i was tremendously miserable...i choke on my tears even today when i think of my lost child....suddenly the realisation came to me when a few collegues chat and one of them asked me if i was ok... as usual, tears roll down...i started talking about it and within minutes, a few others had their tears rolling as well... the more i talked about it, the more i started to understand...
you see, i had always prayed for God to show me the answer to whether it is 3 or 4... and when i was expecting honeystar, i was convinced that it was 4 but i lost the baby. i think biologically i have lost the ability to produce enough hormones to support the pregnancy...it started decresing since my baby no. 2 and even more baby no. 3 since i had to take hormones to support the pregnancies...i am now convinced that i was destined to be a mother of three and not four....i had to experience it before i can totally accept it. probably, it was God's way of telling me that my body could only bear and support three pregnancies...
the feeling of being pregnant is so beautiful that my heart weeps for i may never be there again. the closeness, the bonding and the bliss felt in that nine months is the experince that makes a mother more special to her child than the father... God wanted it to be that way....
it is amazing the way God convinced me.... i am coming to terms with the fact. and it is today that i shed tears for all those women who never did or ever will be able to bear children. i still shed tears for my honeystar....will forever miss my unborn child....
i could be wrong about God and in a few months time, i could be having baby no. 5.... Allahu Akhbar...
even a small issue, i would explore further until the warning signs go blinking before i believe something....i have always been looking for a sign whether God had destined 3 children or 4 children for me....i had even decided that i will not interefere with what i deem to be His decision...
when i lost honeystar, i was tremendously miserable...i choke on my tears even today when i think of my lost child....suddenly the realisation came to me when a few collegues chat and one of them asked me if i was ok... as usual, tears roll down...i started talking about it and within minutes, a few others had their tears rolling as well... the more i talked about it, the more i started to understand...
you see, i had always prayed for God to show me the answer to whether it is 3 or 4... and when i was expecting honeystar, i was convinced that it was 4 but i lost the baby. i think biologically i have lost the ability to produce enough hormones to support the pregnancy...it started decresing since my baby no. 2 and even more baby no. 3 since i had to take hormones to support the pregnancies...i am now convinced that i was destined to be a mother of three and not four....i had to experience it before i can totally accept it. probably, it was God's way of telling me that my body could only bear and support three pregnancies...
the feeling of being pregnant is so beautiful that my heart weeps for i may never be there again. the closeness, the bonding and the bliss felt in that nine months is the experince that makes a mother more special to her child than the father... God wanted it to be that way....
it is amazing the way God convinced me.... i am coming to terms with the fact. and it is today that i shed tears for all those women who never did or ever will be able to bear children. i still shed tears for my honeystar....will forever miss my unborn child....
i could be wrong about God and in a few months time, i could be having baby no. 5.... Allahu Akhbar...
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