there are days in my life that i want to be alone... these days, private moments are rare and precious...
i used to having such days so many years ago....while waiting for my friends, i would sit at my favourite cafe at the KLCC twin towers having my favourite jasmine tea and watch the world walk pass me... these are moments when i would reflect on a lot of things... people, life, religion etc...
this morning, i had the opportunity to enjoy my private moments again... only that i shared it with someone across the globe on facebook...
since the cafe at my office building had been closed for renovation and my breakfast partners are either away or didn't call, i drove to gerai kak noor which is at workshop where only the workshop and despatch boys go. kak noor serves the best food in the entire HQ office. i sat there at the little open stall eating roti jala and drinking hot tea... it tasted heavanly.
from where i was sitting, i could see the lrt track and trains to and from bangsar station passing by non-stop signifying the time that is ticking by...i could see the skyscrapers around mid valley city, one of the city's prime area soaring the sky, symbolising all that is not of the little stall i was sitting in... yet, i felt so comfortable sitting there wishing i could eat nasi kerabu (i eat big breakfast)...while having a monolog with someone in the other side of the world...i didn't even know he replied my messages as i did not refresh to see if he had replied...thus, the monolog....
i was thinking of my dad...my dear dad.... the words his doctor uttered to me yesterday made me cringe with pain... he is slowly going downhill... i want to be with him when he breathe his last....i pray to Allah to make that possible for me, insya Allah... i am his pet, yes, i am. tears roll when the flashbacks of all my memories with him play before my eyes... i see me the little girl...the moment when i would sleep in his bed knowing that he will not move me to my own instead would sleep hugging me...i see him picking me up from my primary school sports activity telling me not to wear knee length pants ever... i saw him standing outside the hall when i went to pick up my main exam results and showed him the sheet with tears rolling down my cheeks... it was one of his proudest moment when he saw his pet had gotten a stream of As...
i finished my tea, looked at the trains and the skyscrapers... i looked at my mobile to see if i had any facebook messages....i picked up the car key and left the stall... thanking God for the tranquil serenity of the private moment God had granted me this morning...
yet, however precious these moments are, i hate to be alone on a permenant basis... i hate emptiness, i hate loneliness... i am thankful that i am surrounded by my family and friends... thank you God...
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