life after loss

recently, i came across a blog that moved my heart so much. it is about a woman whose life changed so much emotionally as she goes through a painful journey of attaining motherhood. she did manage to conceive but lost the babies, not one or two but three in 2 pregnancies. She finally delivered twins in her third pregnancy at about 27 weeks. while the twins are stabilizing in the NICU, the memory of her other children lives on in this woman. reading her journey to where she is now in itself is filled with so much grieve. i count my blessings for every moment of motherhood that God has blessed me with.

here is the link http://mylifeafterloss.blogspot.com/

through my blog hopping, i realised that there are so many women around the world who suffer from infertility (either them or their spouse) yearning to be mothers. they opt for IUI or IVF, etc. the journey they take can be so stressful and filled with pain and frustration and not forgetting happier ones for some couples. many a times the journey become successful (God bless them) but their journey is nonetheless stressful. some of them go through the processes over and over again and along the way, they suffer some losses before finally see light at the end of the tunnel. some of them deliver full term or close to full term but something very wrong happens that they can do nothing to stop their babies from going to heavens.

this posting is a tribute to all those mothers out there who had suffered pain and loss. my heart goes out to all of you and may God bless you all.

i couldn't help but to say a few words of comfort to this woman and here's what i said....

greeneyes said...
Dear Michele.... i came across your blog and i decided to read them from the beginning.... my whole heart went out to you from the very beginning to this moment. there are so much i want to say to you that i dont know where to begin. i sincerely hope that i am able to say all the right things.

congratulations on your wonderful twins. you and your children are trully blessed and so deserve each other. may all of you be blessed with health, wealth, lots of love and happiness that would last for an eternity. your are the best parents your children can have and for all that you have gone through, GOD bless your family.

whatever challenges that you are facing, take them as they come with calmness. don't push yourself too hard...you wont be able to enjoy the moments of your parenthood. i was stressed with my firstborn so much that i wasn't able to be a mother properly. i wasn't successful at breastfeeding and there were not much support available. i breastfed partially only and by the time i became level headed, it was close to 3 months later. the system didnt start off right and i ended up only breastfeeding for 6 months. it was rather different with my second baby (who was prematured 1 month due to Strep B with lung infection and stayed in NICU for 3 weeks), i was able to breastfeed till about a year. take it easy, do the best you can and the best is not as what you expected, it is ok, enjoy the moments while you can coz they grow up so fast.

for breastfeeding, drink lots and lots and lots of water, pump as often while keeping them latched, do take Domperidone after consulting a doctor. i did for my son, the best of doctors prescribed it and it did wonders but dont depend solely on it. it is part of the effort to increase milk. take the herbs as well. even if you are able to breastfeed 70%, it is so much better than none at all. 100% would be great, though but shouldnt matter as the package you already have is great. Read the book "what to expect" series, such a help to me. Happy parenting.

i am sorry about your other babies. rest assured that they are in the heavens playing with other children and GOD while waiting to be re-united with their parents. they are with the angels. let them be darling. dont carry the sorrow of losing them for a lifetime. look forward to your life in this world knowing that you will meet them one day.

with lots of love,
Basaria

and the other blog that had touched me is http://onceamother.blogspot.com/... there are many more and as i read them, tears spring in my eyes and i can never contain them. as i write this, tears are rolling down my eyes as i remembered my moments when i almost lost both my babies with a gap of 3 weeks. I felt the love of Allah when He returned my children to me, twice. for that and everything else, thank you Allah. Please ease the pain of all those mothers who had to endure the pain of losing their babies and those who continue to touch my heart. Show them your Mercy and Love. Please give them HOPE.

mummy's office

recently, my car broke down due to not servicing on time. thank God my husband was around and he took care of it. in the meantime, he sends and picks me from the office which thrilled me because my little girl would follow him when he picks me up. i would bring her up to my office for a while and she would find a way to meddle with my computer....

lego man in the making..

my sweet little son will sit still for some time playing with these stuff. i need to get the real lego set once he is a bit bigger....

swimming at the real swimming pool....

we have an open invitation from my hubby's cousin to bring the children to their apartment for a dip in the swimming pool. so, last weekend we brought the children to the pool.

my children who loves the water were thrilled when they saw the pool. it was my son's first experience wearing an underwear....he looked like a little boy in it. they both don't have any sense of fear at all that sends shrills of fear to their risk manager mummy...they had so much fun that both refused to come out of the pool. wait till you are a bit bigger darlings....

got elected!!!?

recently, there was an election (quite professionally run) at the office for our office social committee which is part of the company executing corporate social responsibility. we only know the names of the candidates running for the presidency and we were also required to select 8 other members to run the committee activities. me and niza were busy with our selection of names.

those elected were announced at a gathering. the finalists with the most votes were called to the front before the final 8 were announced. they did it like the AF style and when they called my name, i was ready to go back to my seat when the MC said, "please stay, you have the fifth highest votes"... my reaction was... what? are you sure? i always consider myself as the unpopular one as i really do keep to small circle of collegues while being courteous to everyone else. oh well, this came as a surprise but a happy one. and guess what, niza is also on board with me, being the second highest votes. let's have some fun doing some community work...

enjoying lunch with normy...
in a serious conversation...
while being shortlisted...
the AF candidates...
being one of those who were not sent back to their seats....

more eid celebration pics...the last!!!

these are some glamorous pics taken at the eid celebration at the office....

ever so elegant mummies...
playing host....
kemeriahan aidilfitri..
chatting away...
lining up...
my very reliable staff...
the glamour girls...
relaxing...

mummy, the natural teacher....

i am not a traditional mum, for sure, though i am a strong believer of traditional values. so, you can call me a modern mum...

i do think that we need to let children learn independence from young. we need to give them the space and opportunity to explore and discover their world. yes, they will fall and get hurt but those moments are shortlived. they will soon forget the pain but they have learnt a lesson...that will be permenant. we as adults are obliged to provide them with a safe environment for them to live their adventures.

we have a slide and a swing playset at home, thanks to aunty na. nadia nasira is an expert but my son who just found his feet some 3 months ago is still working on enjoying the playset.

when the maid takes care of my son while i am either busy cooking, attending to nadia nasira or having our meals, she tends practically hold him so much so he was unable to master his own skills to play on the playset. oh well, she was probably scared that if my son were to fall, we would blame her. i noticed that one day and was very upset with the whole situation. it is because if he were to climb onto the playset when we were not looking, he wouldnt know the processes involved in sliding down safely.

so, mummy took charge and was determined to teach him independence. after a few sessions, he was able to be on his own. mummy is there screaming instructions!!!last weekend, daddy did the training and was very proud to announce that muhammad nashwan nasr can play on his own.



this morning, he was on the set and when he saw the maid, automatically, he held his hand out to her for support.... that's the equation that had registered in his mind. see, why i was upset with the whole thing.... not the maid's fault though, maids take care (if ever they do), they don't teach.

playschool again...

my little girl has started her playschool again. here are some clips of her in her class....

dhadha's visit

dhadha latiff, my husband's dad's brother, came to visit us. he adores my children and he has a way with them. we all love him... for me, he is the father in law i have never known. he is one person i can relate to as we are of the same wavelength and appeals to my intellectuality. he is a successful businessman who had travelled half the world, yet such a humble man has always made time to be with my family.

.....

i spent the whole morning with my darling CPO going through the CEO's comments on the policy and procedures... along the way, he related to me some of his experiences as well as other things...

at the end of the session...what i brought back with me was a statement he picked up at the recent management meeting...

what works in the west may not necessarily work in the east....

Thank you Allah....

...after New York 9/11...this message was circulated...good reminder...

As you might remember, the head of a company survived 9/11
Because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was
His turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her
Alarm clock didn't go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike
Because of an auto accident.

One of them
Missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take
Time to change.

One's
Car wouldn't start.

One couldn't
Get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man
Who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,
Took the various means to get to work
But before he got there, he developed
A blister on his foot.
He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.
That is why he is alive today..

Now when I am
Stuck in traffic,
Miss an elevator,
Turn back to answer a ringing telephone...

All the little things that annoy me.
I think to myself,
This is exactly where
God wants me to be
At this very moment..

Next time your morning seems to be
Going wrong,
The children are slow getting dressed,
You can't seem to find the car keys,
You hit every traffic light,
Don't get mad or frustrated;
It May be just that
God is at work watching over you.

May God continue to bless you
With all those annoying little things
And may you remember their possible purpose.

my first editorial works

a colleague of mine had applied for a British Council scholarship to further his studies in the UK. his application was approved by the company on a fully paid study leave. one of the conditions in the application to the British Council was to submit a personal statement on his choice. he requested my help to look at his grammar only.... but me being the perfectionist did more than just that.

he came to my work station and sat by me...ooohhhed and aaaahhhhed while i did the editing. hehehheeh made me feel like an expert. it is a good feeling though.

here is the rushed work completed in 2 hours. i didn't do a final proof-read as time was of essence. the final word count 985...i gave my best and i hope he would get the scholarship. this is the first piece of work that i edited (other than work) and put my whole heart into it..... thus, attaching a sentimental value to it...

PART I: PERSONAL STATEMENT
Please state in no more than 1,000 words:

a) Why you wish to study in the UK?

UK is known to be one of the popular destinations for higher learning around the world. The main reason for my burning desire to study in the UK is the traditions of excellence dating back to hundreds of years and the world class quality in terms of international education.

The universities in the UK offer degrees with worldwide recognition that magnetize me towards this opportunity to further pursue my studies there hence, giving me an international recognition. This is also an opportunity to enhance and sophisticate my leadership proficiency through this opportunity to associate myself with the scholars and expertise from the top universities in UK which would in turn be beneficial to my company and country

Studying in the UK would also provide me with the best experience of living in the UK, providing me with a vibrant, energetic educational system and at the same time enabling me to enjoy charismatic surrounding and a traditional British culture. With a racial, ethnic and religious jumble, the UK is very open to new traditions and cultures which gives me an opportunity to master the English Language, the international language of business, science and technology. Thus, I will be able to immerse myself in the language, giving me the linguistic mastery I would need in the future.

b) Why you wish to obtain the qualification listed as your first choice on this form.

The LLM qualification in Good Governance/Corporate Governance and Law is my first choice as it would be of much relevance to my current nature of work.

As the employee of the biggest utility company and government linked company (GLC) in Malaysia, and being an Enforcement Manager with the Contract Management Unit, Shared Purchasing Department of Procurement Division, this is an opportunity for me to explore and absorb the bounty of Good Governance in depth.

My core task is to uphold the rules of law in enforcing numerous contracts throughout Peninsular Malaysia within three main Divisions i.e. Generation, Transmission and Distribution, generally dealing with contract management issues such as bond management, termination issues, imposing penalty against the contractors/vendors. Therefore, it directly revolves around the characteristic of good governance such as accountable, efficient and effective, responsive, equitable and inclusive and follows the rule of law.

It is also in line with the GLC Transformation Program introduced by Malaysian Government to drive development and grow the economy which is run on the main principle relating to good governance whereby the program take cognizance of matters relating to governance, shareholder value and stakeholder management.

Realizing the significance of good governance in a company, I choose this subject as my first priority as good governance implicates the performance and encourage sustainability in my company and country. Obtaining this qualification in the UK would be the opportunity to absorb the advanced knowledge and understanding of UK companies towards the good governance.


c) How you think you will benefit in terms of career and personal development
from obtaining this qualification once you have returned to you home country.

Being accepted to be one of the prestigious families of ‘Chevening Scholarship’ and obtaining this qualification would shed limelight to my career and personal development in my company, through which I hope to serve the nation through the application of the knowledge I gained. Thus, with the acquired knowledge, I will be able to contribute to my company in terms of propagating and achieving good governance in its totality based on the best practices by the UK’s government and companies in general.

As I visualize myself as the Chief Procurement Officer TNB in 10 years time and the Chief Executive Officer TNB in 15 years time, applying and executing the conceptual definition, advanced knowledge and understanding of UK company and securities law rules concerning the structure of corporate decision-making and the control of directors and officers would then be very relevant. Providing more reliable and quality supply of electricity to the nation by having an accountable, responsive and transparent decision making process to the public and to TNB’s institutional stakeholder will be how I will directly impact the nation.

I strongly belief that my career and personal development will benefit directly with the process of applying the knowledge, bringing my company and country to the highest performance quality and to produce results that meet the need of the society to sustain the use of natural resources by implementing good/corporate governance in its totality. The existence of a positive and significant relationship between corporate governance practices and company performance is an evident. Furthermore, good corporate governance enhances a company’s access to capital, contributing towards its financial performance and encourages sustainability.

I’m very optimistic that my company will position me with a good career path upon return to the country as they have strongly recommended and approved my application with fully paid salary. It would nonetheless be their expectation that I will serve the company better towards building an excellent nation.

Please also give details of any particular areas on which you would like to concentrate whilst in the UK as part of your course of study or research. (Please continue on a separate sheet if necessary)

I would like to pursue this qualification in LLM specifically on Good Governance/Corporate Governance and Law. The scope of studies will be from the theoretical of Corporate Governance to the Legal Issues regarding in Corporate Governance including the roles, duties and responsibilities of Directors in Corporations, beyond compliance, Institutionalizing Ethical Change.
The area I wish to concentrate will also include the fundamental understanding of the legal rules that determine the balance of decision-making power within UK and US public companies and the area on wider social and political issues arising out of corporate governance including corporate responsibility, worker democracy and critical perspectives on the shareholder primacy norm.

challenging bedtime

i really believe that children should go to bed early. since my children are early risers as i send them to their nanni's before i leave to work, i have trained them to be in bed by 8 pm.

putting both of them to sleep can be very stressful for me since both wants me to put them to sleep at the same time. having a maid would be useless these times since my children would not settle for the maid. they want their mummy. my son would cry if he saw the maid anywhere close as he is afraid i would pass him to her. i tried many methods but the easiest method was rather expensive. i used to load them in the car and go for a drive and before you know it...they would be asleep.

i had always wanted to read to them before they go to bed. so, one day when cash flow was tighter, i decided not to waste fuel by taking them for a drive. we all settled on the bed with a few story books, i let nadia nasira choose a book and we had lots of fun...

the moment i announced that it was time to switch off the light and sleep...nadia nasira protested. she wanted to have more fun though she was already sleepy. i had to threaten her, coax her into being silent and fall asleep otherwise, her brother wouldn't be able to sleep. then, there were demands like nadia nak air, so i have to get her the water tumbler. looking at this, her brother would also ask for his water tumbler. when the both of them settle down, we would lie side by side and fall asleep after a doa, thank you Allah and a story.

last night was the third night and it was tough as well but i enjoyed my time with them. this time, daddy was home and guess what, he was the first one to fall asleep... the downside of this whole episode is that i would also fall asleep with them and there goes dinner and everything else that i could have done after they sleep...

it's rambutan..not a ball

both my children were in nanni's garden when i reached home from work yesterday. they love running around in the garden. when my son saw me, he was at the gate...

moments after i arrived home, my sister in law also got back from work and spent sometime with the children in the garden. my dearest son kept pointing at the rambutans on nanni's rambutan tree. aunty na plucked a rambutan and gave it to him. my son's immediate reaction was to throw the rambutan as if it was a ball...

how does the little brains work...anything that is round must be a ball...cuma this ball had lots of hair on it....

and oh...i noticed from these pictures that my son is probably lefthanded... oh..he is so me....

reader's digest

reader's digest reminds me of my childhood days.

as i viewed my blog's latest entry title, suddenly it reminded me of the magazine i used to read as a little girl. the many interesting articles, excerpts, quotable quotes, all in a day's work and etc came to my mind. my dad subscribed to it and each of us took turns reading the magazine.

wondering whether reader's digest now has website (of course it would have), i googled it and was so happy to find it. i registered on the site so that i can read the articles. after so many years, i read my first article...Slumdog Millionaire: The Reality...and had the same feeling as i did when i was a little girl.

i will now be a loyal visitor to the site....

superhero

as i was driving a couple of days ago, my son was seated next to me while my daughter was on the seat behind. i was chatting with both of them and i said...nadia nasira, do you know ultraman? she said, mummy, nadia superhero.... to the rescue... her voice was dramatic...

yesterday, as we got home from nanni's, i was trying to get them to wash up and change into pyjamas... nadia nasira started her superhero thing... now with some action... i remembered seeing that action before...where? on tv. channel 613...
my son love watching his sister...in adoration...

i am going to ask her to repeat the act so that i could record them....

thoughts to ponder....

a friend sent this to me sometime ago....

Ibn al-Qayyim said:

"Know that the greatest of losses is for you to be preoccupied with one who will bring you nothing but a loss in your time with Allah - the Mighty and Majestic - and being cut off from Him, a wasting your time with the person, a weakening of your energy, and the dispersing of your resolve".

So, if you are tested with this - and you must be tested with this - deal with him according to how Allah would wish, and be patient with him as much as possible.

Get closer to Allah and His Pleasure by way of this person, and make your getting together with him something to benefit from, not something to incur a loss from. Be with him as if you are a man who is on a road who was stopped by another man, who then asks you to take him on your journey.
Make sure that you are the one who gives him a ride, and that he is not the one giving you the ride.

If he refuses, and there is nothing to gain from travelling with him, do not stop for him, bid him farewell, and do not even turn back to look at him, as he is a highway robber, regardless of who he really is.

So, save your heart, be wary of how you spend your days and nights, and do not let the Sun set before you arrive at your destination."

['al-Wabil as-Sayyib'; p. 45]

nadia nasira's hairstyle

this is the latest pics of my princess nadia nasira. she looks more of a prince than a princess. i really wanna keep longer hair for her and use fancy hair clips and ribbons on her. how do i get that started? i need to go to her hairstylist and tell her exactly what i want. no more having a haircut back in ipoh even if it was just RM4!!!!

lollypop...

aunty na (nasir's sister) came back from langkawi and got nadia nasira the biggest lollypop little nadia nasira has ever seen. nadia nasira was so excited about it.

she would so sweetly ask mummy for one....mummy, nadia dah weewee, nadia nak lollypop. good negotiating skills...she learnt that from mummy. i used to tell her to weewee in the bathroom, only then, mummy will give her a lollypop.

hari raya celebration at Procurement Division

in my new office, the eid celebration was so meriah... they really created the hari raya mood with the raya songs, food and deco... the theme was kain batik kain pelikat as the background...


me and niza... we both reported duty on the same day and we sit next to each other. she is my breakfast partner so much so the ladies at the cafe would notice and ask if either one of us are not around....

niza and liza...

me, kak zu and sharifah mazni... look at me and kak zu...kekenyangan and dah lentok..

me and CPO... my CPO so comel.. songkok dia pun comel...

hari raya visiting....

at razina (nasir's first cousin) and ghazali's....both of them really adore the children. the children used to be afraid of their uncle ghazali but now....they get along really well.