Wednesday, October 19, 2011

a mother's dilema

i was panicking as to who shall care for my children while my mil goes on her haj pilgrimmage. i looked for a baby sitter but after talking to one, i changed my mind.  i couldn't let a non relative to care for my children.  i was so afraid of babysitters.  i doubt that they will care for my children the way their grandmother did.  well, it was then obvious that next to nanni's, it would be ummamma. the problem is that ummamma lives 200km away from mummy's nest which would mean that mummy have to part with my children. the other problem is that my grandmothers who are almost a century old is being cared for by my mum as well.  to add to the complications, my grandmother is now bed-ridden..

i can't bear the thought... though i know that they will be in good hands and of course, i know that it would do them good to be in the company of their grandmother, great grandmother and aunties and uncles and cousins, yet my heart had already felt so empty with the thought that i will return home without them. 

the day finally came when we had to leave the children at my mum's.  i had mentally prepared them and i was surprised that it was an easy transition.  it was only during bedtime would they cry on the phone if i had called.  however, this separation is a trauma to both my mum and my one year old baby... the tone of his cries are heartbreaking...

i came to a messy house full of reminders of my babies.... i miss them terribly... i know spending time at my mother's would do the children good.  i only pray that everyone is blessed with patience and perseverence during this transition...

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