Tuesday, August 23, 2011

eid mubarak

assalamualaikum w.r.b.,

my dear readers,

my family and i would like to wish all of you and your families a blessed aidilfitri and may this joyous occasion for all Muslims signifies a personal triumph, a victory of self-restraint and abstinence, symbolising purification and renewal.

may the mood of ibadah continues throughout our lives and may you welcome ramadhan and aidilfitri with your families for many many years to come...

Thursday, August 18, 2011

tearless cries

i am back at my desk, googling 'my husband doesn't want a baby'.  i tried reading up on that issue but ended up feeling depressed about it.  i decided to write in order to release myself of the depression.

i just got back from an evaluation committee meeting i chaired.  there was a face i never saw at the meeting. having concluded the meeting, i chatted with her. as we were leaving, i mentioned to her that i wanted to drop by the mall and get a pair of baju kurung for my daughter.  i noted her red bindi and asked her how many children she had. her response were none.  i simply thought that it was a case of TTC.  oh no, she then said that her husband didn't want one.  i was naive enough to say... not yet probably.

she said she already knew her husband's stand about not having children before she wed.  she agreed to marry him anyway hoping that he changed his mind or she could change him.  i was not prepared for this.  it left me totally gaping at her. i couldn't help but ask her further questions.  apparently everyone had talked her husband into it and to no avail.  once decided, it was decided for life. that was her husband. her husband married for companionship.  there were tearless cries as she started talking.  i could see in it her eyes, the explosive urge to mother a baby, to hold a baby or her own in her arms and have a lifelong commitment to her child.  she convinced herself that having a child would probably not be a good idea as she traveled quite a distance daily.  she tried not to think about it anymore.  many people had advised her to take another husband but to her, that was easier said than done. 

by this time, i was already cursing her husband... i felt claustrophobic listening to her being imprisoned in her marriage and having to console her heart.  i felt the pain as if i was going through it.  but i couldn't blame him as she had agreed to marry him knowingly.  what a mistake a lot of us do.  marrying someone hoping they would change for us.  she said that she should have decided to or not to accept the marriage proposal as it was.

i believe that God crossed my path with hers and allowed this conversation for me to leave her with a few words of wisdom and a reminder for me to appreciate all that i have been blessed with.  God bless her lonely heart.

my silent prayer for her and all mothers craving for motherhood.... O Allah, bless their wombs with what they crave for and fill their hearts with lots of love and happiness.  if they were all fated to be childless, bless their hearts with peace and serenity... amin....

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

harimau malaya in the making

i like the title harimau malaya, sounds class....

i know that my hero has an innate love for football.  he has style.  he is left footed. so are lionel messi, diego maradona, ryan giggs, iker casillas and roberto carlos. 

here are some shots of him in style during one of the training session with daddy...








good luck son.... bless you to be a great footballer if you are passionate about it....

finding my feet....

mummy, i can stand now! having practiced at home using the slide to hold on to, muhammad nazhan nasr has finalliy climbed on his feet without any difficulties at all.  when i came to pick him up last monday, i saw him standing up steady.... bravo.... 




Monday, August 15, 2011

sisters

it is always a blessing to have sisters...

while my mother was busy mothering my 2 younger brothers, both my sisters pampered me (they had no choice, i guess).  being a daddy's girl and with two older sisters (having to) taking care of me and my needs as well as mummy who oversees everything, i was quite a spoilt little kid.  to my eldest sister, i was her doll.  to my second sister, i was a play mate.  i was basically a lil princess and my sisters were at my call.  those were my younger days.

there were times, we laughed and laughed for no apparent reason.  my play mate and i threw some pranks and be punished for it.  we would tease my no other languageother than tamil  speaking grandmother and giggle all night.  my eldest sister would scold us for all our pranks.

when we all grew up, we were more like friends.  we shared almost everything except for the things that are a big no no that you would only share with friends and get away with it.  we shared clothes but i was too thin that all the hand me downs were too big for me except for a few.  whenever all of us meet during school holidays or semester breaks, we would stay up the whole night listening to each other's stories.  my sisters took turns feeding me my meals even in my uni days.  my sisters bought me lots of stuff.

we shared and shared and shared.... both good times and bad times.  we supported each other, stay by each other, we survived turmoils and now when i look back, it was a journey filled with sharing....

when i think of nadia nasira, sorrow fills my heart.  i wanted her to be my only princess, couldn't share or be shared.  i did speak to khine about it.  i also saw fauzia with her sisters during her dad's tahlil, being together chatting away made me miss my sisters.  when i think of the good times she could have had if she had sisters, i feel sorry to deprive her of it.  when i leave her in this world, i am afraid that she wouldn't have someone to share her sorrow.  i always remind my eldest niece to be there for my princess....

i don't know if i will have another child.  if i do, in the name of Allah and by the grace of Allah, it is to give nadia nasira a little sister.  to share a lifelong friendship that i have been blessed with. 

i miss our togetherness, dear sisters.....

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

solat jemaah with cheeky imam....

 


 

siti soleha

this is my siti soleha, aka nadia nasira....


my nippon

as it is my son has a different race look....
now he looks more like one of them with the cap that carries vietnam flag!

11 months old little redbean

feels like it was just yesterday that i brought home my little redbean from hospital after such a wonderful and miraculous delivery.  he is almost 11 months old now.  such a happy and smart little baby. 

he is similar to his brother in development milestones.  the moment he finds his pace, i think he is on the go. just two weeks ago, he sat up on his own and now he is on his way to find his feet.  he creeps, exploring everywhere in the house.  an extra chore for me to ensure that floor is clean otherwise, he would suffer from another allergy season.  God forbid.

there he is under the table...

 his first 3 teeth.  had the lower two first and now, 1 from the top... he bites as well. 


there is something about his look....


i helped him slide down... he decided to use the slide to help him stand! he found his feet...

Monday, August 8, 2011

thoughts

i have been thinking lately, ever since i read my first novel in six years, that i should write more. more than just recording periodic activities or about the children or an occasional thought that came to mind.  i should write more.  more than just what i did and where i went.  i should write more. 

what should i write?

i should write about dew.... about sakura....  those are names i gave myself.  i should write about me, my heart, my thoughts or i shall waste the literature in me.  this is my journey afterall and that is towards what you call self realisation... whatever that means...

what is self realisation....
Webster's defines self-realization as:  "The fulfillment by oneself of the possibilities of one's character or personality."

shall i write here or create a new blog under a pen-name. what is my pen-name? dew?


sakura?


they are just so beautiful and i am encapsulated by intense peace simply by looking at them.... what an oxymoron... intense peace! such is life!

Friday, August 5, 2011

silent honour by danielle steel

recently, i borrowed from my sister a story book entitled silent honour by danielle steel. it was the first novel i read in the last 6 years... believe it or not. 

a friend asked, what have you been reading this long was when i realised that i was reading what to expect series on pregnancy and parenting (click) these years.  not that i have lots of time at my disposal, but i find time here and there to read.

it took me days or rather weeks to complete reading silent honour and i really enjoyed it.  the synopsis of the novel: http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/s/danielle-steel/silent-honor.htm

Set against a vivid backdrop of war and change, Silent Honour tells of the triumph of a woman caught between cultures and determined to survive.

In August 1941 Hiroko, eighteen years old and torn between her mother's belief in ancient traditions and her father's passion for modern ideas, leaves Kyoto to come to America for an education. To Hiroko, California is a different world - a world of barbecues, station wagons and college. Her cousins in California have become more American than Japanese - and Hiroko also finds a link between her old and new worlds when she becomes friendly with Peter, her uncle's university assistant.

But on December 7 1941 Pearl Harbor is bombed by the Japanese, and within hours, war is declared. Suddenly Hiroko has become an enemy in a foreign land. Terrified, begging to go home, she is ordered by her father to stay. But as the military is empowered to remove the Japanese from their communities, Hiroko and her Californian family end up in the detention centre, where they fight to stay alive amid the drama of life and death in the camp.

This extraordinary novel creates a portrait of human tragedy and strength, divided loyalties and love. Danielle Steel portrays the human cost of that terrible time in history, as well as the remarkable courage of a people whose honour and dignity transcended the chaos that surrounded them.
i had always loved reading her works, eversince i was an undergraduate. i admire how she could potray life and the many issues in life like illness, death, loss, family crises, and relationships. she had always made me realise that other people had  gone through many sufferings in life and yet, they could rise above it all.  reading her works gives me strength to overcome hurdles in life.

you've got mail

my husband told me that there is mail for me and handed over a letter. 

instantly i remembered.  i attended a training on N.E.W.S. model some months ago. read here for more on NEWS model. in that training, i was supposed to write what i wanted in life. the trainer will then mail it to me some months later. of course, i wrote what i thought at that moment i wanted in life.   

here's the letter... what i want in life is including but not limited to (hehehehe) these.  some of these sounds repetitive.

the mail:
  1. i want to achieve the best results in my life in terms of financial, family and career.
  2. i want my children to be successful in terms of spiritual and academic.
  3. i want myself to be a good mother, wife and daughter.
  4. i want to be able to write, earn lots of money and be able to channel the money to charity.
  5. i want to learn and strengthen my spiritual life.
  6. i want to travel, read, cook and bake.
  7. i want to contribute to the society.
  8. i want to have lots of money, good family life, career and lots of property.
time was limited and this was all i came up with.  well, i guess this is the bigger picture of what i want in life.... the list sure does include lots of parfume, nice things to wear, a nice oven, sewing machine, wonderfully made up house and a business that would generate lots of money as well as my mum next door.


May Allah grant me all that is good for me in this world and the hereafter. Amin

Thursday, August 4, 2011

sahur

daddy was away the first three sahur. mummy woke up to have her sahur alone when she heard a tiny sound. she turned and she saw her first born, holding her water tumbler and in tears. when enquired, nadia nasira said.... i missed you upstairs.... mummy told her that she was going to make her a bottle of milk and also have her sahur. mummy asked her is she would like to have her sahur to which she nodded. so, mummy set the table for two when she saw the need to set the table for three. her second born was halfway down the staircase.... all at three in the morning.

and mummy had company during sahur....






mother's love

there is no friendship, no love like that of the mother for the child....


this poster was stuck on my softboard by my office desk.  this is one poster that i loved all through my 3 pregnancies.  i love this poster so much.  everytime i look at this poster now, i could feel my babies in my arms.... hahahaha i would remember their wet kisses too....

while nashwan nasr and nazhan nasr are still very baby to me, i could see nadia nasira is such a grown up baby.... i would miss their baby years....

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

ramadhan night walk - genius aulad

my children's school had organised an event to welcome the month of ramadhan and an opportunity to contribute to the less fortunate.... it is called ramadhan night walk at putrajaya wetlands.  my children enjoyed it greatly.  i am happy that their school organise such activities that involves both teachers, parents and children... we had story telling on the special nights in islam, mass magrib prayers, a walk in the night (we only did half way) and also raihan, the genius aulad icon also performed children's songs.















Tuesday, August 2, 2011

arabian nite 2011

we had been looking forward to the office annual dinner.  i couldn't make it last year becasue i was so pregnant and i just got discharged that afternoon for pre-termed contraction.  so, this year i really wanted to be part of the annual program  the theme for this year was arabian nite... my collegues and i were very excited. we talked about for a suitable costume... i knew what i wanted to wear eversince i saw it in the boutiques.  it is called the cleopatra caftan.  i only wanted to find a suitable headgear.  googled and found interesting costume pics at pola cipta sdn. bhd. at desa hartamas no. 14-2 jalan 27/70A desa sri hartamas.  my collegues and i rented quite a bit of stuff from there....

daddy looked after the children while i got ready.  the children were intrigued by my make-up. i drew cat's whiskers on their cheeks and they were very happy.  my little baby gave a cheeky smile at me.  daddy thought that i was cute...

these are pictures from the our annual dinner....


 door gift...
 with niza
 the food was delicious...



 my number for the night... 127 is my house lot number while 172 is my parents' house number...
 with rashidi... the GM who had left us to greener pastures...

 with the girls....
 with niza and normy, my close buddies....
 the cleopatra pose....
 with nikko

the boys and girls


my gift...

more girls....
 live band...singing all ala arabic songs

with my sweet staff. i think she is such a sweet girl...


 niza and my favourite boys
 your highness
 close up
 niza and normy
 my favourite girls
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